Bruce Willis bounces ceremonial first pitch in Philly

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Bruce Willis, famous for such films as “Color of Night,” “Hart’s War,” and “Lucky Number Slevin,” — movies I cite because I am not gonna bend over backwards to make “Die Hard” and “Moonlighting” puns like everyone else writing about this — was in Philadelphia last night to throw out the first pitch before the Brewers-Phillies game.

The connection: Willis grew up in South Jersey and was a Phillies fan as a kid. He also once used his super strength to save some kidnapped children from a sadistic janitor while wearing a hooded rain poncho somewhere in the Philadelphia area.

The first pitch: not too great, as the man famous for singing the “🎶Seagram’s . . .GOLDEN wine coooler . . . it’s wet and it’s dry . . . MY, MY, MY, MY🎶” song in those commercials that some of us of a certain age remember, bounced it in the dirt:

Eh, it happens.

After the game someone actually asked manager Gabe Kapler if “Die Hard” was a Christmas movie:

“I maintain, not a Christmas movie,” Kapler said during a lively debate with beat writers in his office. “Aren’t most Christmas movies centered around the celebration of Christmas in some way or another?”

Um, Gabe? Do you not remember this part?

Who among us has not had a less festive celebration of Christmas with our families than that?

Oh hey, look what I found:

You’re welcome.

Joe Kelly’s suspension reduced to 5 games on appeal

Joe Kelly suspended eight
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LOS ANGELES — Los Angeles Dodgers reliever Joe Kelly had his suspension for throwing pitches near the heads of Houston hitters reduced to five games on appeal.

Kelly was originally penalized eight games by Major League Baseball on July 29, a day after throwing a 96 mph fastball near the head of Houston’s Alex Bregman and two curveballs that brushed back Carlos Correa.

The players association said Wednesday night it was dismayed by the length of the ban.

“While we understand the concerns raised by the league with respect to a bench-clearing incident during this challenging season, we’re disappointed by the decision,” the union said. “It was an unfair result for Joe Kelly given the cases presented.”

The Dodgers on Wednesday confirmed the reduced penalty that was first reported by Barstool Sports.

Kelly went on the 10-day injured list retroactive to last Sunday with right shoulder inflammation. He will serve his suspension when he returns.

After striking out Corea, Kelly curled his lip into a pouting expression and exchanged words with the shortstop.

Benches cleared after Kelly’s actions during the sixth inning of Los Angeles’ 5-2 win at Houston in the teams’ first meeting since it was revealed the Astros stole signs en route to a 2017 World Series title over the Dodgers.

Dodgers manager Dave Roberts served his one-game suspension the same day the penalty was handed down. Astros manager Dusty Baker was fined an undisclosed amount.

Kelly denied that he purposely threw at the Astros. He has previously been suspended in his career for throwing at a batter.

The penalties were imposed by former pitcher Chris Young, MLB’s senior vice president of baseball operations, who issued his first ruling since taking over the job from Joe Torre.