Associated Press

Could an accountant play credible inning of Major League Baseball?

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Last night the Chicago Blackhawks lost two goalies and were forced to press an emergency goalie they signed earlier in the day into action. That emergency goalie, Scott Foster, stopped all seven shots attempted by the opposing Winnipeg Jets.

That doesn’t seem all that odd until you realize that in the NHL emergency goalies are not like minor leaguers you call up or members of an NFL-style taxi squad. Per the weird NHL roster rules, guys who fill that role hardly ever play and don’t even dress for the game. It was rather flukey that Foster even saw action. He has a day job as an accountant, for Pete’s sake, and last played competitive hockey in the 2005-06 season at Western Michigan University. He’ll likely go back to accounting on a full time basis because he only made $500 yesterday. It’s like hiring a temp.

That’s a pretty neat story. One that made me wonder if an analogous situation could ever occur in Major League Baseball.

OK, I know it couldn’t happen, practically speaking, because teams have bench players, emergency catchers and minor league reserves on call as a matter of course. No, what I’m really wondering what would happen if a big league team could sign an accountant to a one-day contract and what would happen if that guy had to play.

My wife happens to work for a small accounting firm. It’s a good group of people. I go to their firm bowling outings and holiday parties and stuff, but I’m not sure I’ve paid close enough attention to the office’s aggregate level of athletic talent to know if anyone there could do it for sure. Here are the data points I had as of a few minutes ago:

  • We all went to a Columbus Clippers game last summer, but all that showed me was who could drink beer in the sun the best [me, natch];
  • On the wall of the office when you walk in the front door of the place there are three framed baseball jerseys with the partners’ names on the back. I’m not exactly sure why — the place has no baseball connection whatsoever and does not even field a rec league softball team — but it’s kinda cool;
  • My wife’s boss, Jim, has a bottle of Beanball Bourbon from the Cooperstown Distillery on the shelf of his office, which I think was a gift from a client. That’s likewise inconclusive as I have the same bottle and I can’t play baseball at all.

Could any of the accountants at my wife’s office fill in for the Cincinnati Reds if, say, Scooter Gennett, Jose Peraza, Eugenio Suarez and Cliff Pennington all got eaten by sharks at the Newport Aquarium three hours before game time, if I-71 between Louisville and Cincy was blocked by a landslide and if Trump ordered the FAA to ground all air traffic for the day for, I dunno, reasons? What if the Reds had NO CHOICE WHATSOEVER but to put an accountant into the game and on that same day my wife’s firm was at Great American Ballpark on a company outing? I decided to ask my wife.

Me: Could any of the accountants at your office play one inning of major league baseball in any capacity and be credible? This is actually a serious question I’m writing an article about it.

Allison: What are you even talking about?

Me: An accountant played in an NHL game last night. I want to know if one can play baseball.

Allison: Jim says no. Maybe Matt.

Me: What are Matt’s qualifications?

Allison: Matt is the least fat and most in shape.

Me: How old is Matt?

Allison: 41.

Hmm. I was getting a little worried here. As we’ve written so often recently, baseball is becoming a young man’s game. Bartolo Colon can’t make a roster anymore. Ichiro is only on a 25-man because of nostalgia. And that’s before you realize that those two guys can play baseball. Was there anyone else at the firm who could play?

Allison: Wait, Bruce says Jamie is actually the most in shape, but we’re not sure if he knows anything about baseball.

Me: What are Jamie’s qualifications?

Allison: He was all-state football in high school.

Me: That’s not bad!

Allison: He’s 45.

Crap. Alright. Sorry Matt, but Jamie may have some athletic muscle memory that has almost but not entirely disappeared. He gets the call.

I mentioned the Reds suffering an infield catastrophe earlier because, really, I don’t think anything else would remotely work. There’s just too much ground to cover in the outfield for a 40-something accountant. Pitching and catching would be downright dangerous. No civilian has the arm for third or short. Second base may be harder to field than first base, but a first baseman may be killed by a hard throw from one of the other infielders. Also: no damn accountant is moving Joey Votto off of first base anyway.

So we put Jamie at second base. He bats eighth, with the pitcher batting seventh (Billy Hamilton seems to own the ninth slot these days). Just let me enter all of these variables into the simulator, and  . . .

Ok, Jamie got no fielding chances in the first two innings and then went 0-for-1 in his only plate appearance in the bottom of the second. Specifically, he struck out on three straight batting practice fastballs from Max Scherzer of the Nationals who was NOT AT ALL pleased at having to deal with this crap.

In the top of the third Jamie was killed by Bryce Harper who was running from first base on a grounder to short as Jamie attempted to cover the bag. The game was canceled and the Reds forfeited because they could not scrape up all of his body parts from the base path. RIP Jamie.

All of which is to say: great job, Scott Foster! That had to have been much harder than it looked!

 

Washington Nationals roster and schedule for 2020

Nationals roster and schedule
Mark Brown/Getty Images
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The 2020 season is now a 60-game dash, starting on July 23 and ending, hopefully, with a full-size postseason in October. Between now and the start of the season, we’ll be giving quick capsule previews of each team, reminding you of where things stood back in Spring Training and where they stand now as we embark on what is sure to be the strangest season in baseball history. First up: The Washington Nationals roster and schedule:

NATIONALS ROSTER (projected)

When the season opens on July 23-24, teams can sport rosters of up to 30 players, with a minimum of 25. Two weeks later, rosters must be reduced to 28 and then, two weeks after that, they must be reduced to 26. Teams will be permitted to add a 27th player for doubleheaders.

In light of that, there is a great degree of latitude for which specific players will break summer camp. For now, though, here are who we expect to be on the Nationals roster to begin the season:

Catchers:

Yan Gomes
Kurt Suzuki

Infielders:

Eric Thames
Starlin Castro
Carter Kieboom
Trea Turner
Howie Kendrick
Asdrúbal Cabrera

Outfielders:

Juan Soto
Victor Robles
Adam Eaton
Michael Taylor
Andrew Stevenson

Starters:

Max Scherzer
Steven Strasburg
Patrick Corbin
Aníbal Sánchez
Austin Voth
Erick Fedde

Relievers:

Sean Doolittle
Daniel Hudson
Will Harris
Tanner Rainey
Wander Suero
Hunter Strickland
Roenis Elías


BREAKDOWN:

The Nationals shocked the world last year, recovering from an abysmal start to the season to win an NL Wild Card before cutting through the Dodgers, Cardinals, and Astros to win the first championship in franchise history. While the roster is largely unchanged, there is one gaping void: the loss of third baseman Anthony Rendon, who signed with the Angels. Rendon, a perennial MVP candidate, led the majors with 126 doubles and the NL with 44 doubles while smacking 34 homers with a 1.010 OPS last season. He’ll be replaced by the young Carter Kieboom and the veteran Kendrick and Cabrera. Those are some large shoes to fill.

With Rendon out of the picture, Juan Soto becomes the crux of the Nationals’ offense. Last year, he tied Rendon with 34 homers while knocking in 110 runs. He also, impressively, drew 108 walks, by far the highest on the team. The Nationals will likely have to utilize their speed even more. Last year, Soto stole 12 bases while Adam Eaton swiped 15, Victor Robles 28, and Trea Turner 35.

As was the case in 2019, the pitching will be how the Nationals punch their ticket to the postseason. Max Scherzer finished third in Cy Young balloting, his seventh consecutive top-five finish. The club retained Stephen Strasburg and brings back Patrick Corbin as well. There really isn’t a better 1-2-3 in the game. The rotation will be rounded out by Aníbal Sánchez and one of Austin Voth or Erick Fedde, though both are likely to see starts during the season.

The back of the bullpen is led by closer Sean Doolittle, who posted an uncharacteristically high — for him — 4.05 ERA last year. He still saved 29 games and averaged better than a strikeout per inning, so they’re in good hands. Daniel Hudson and Will Harris will work the seventh and eighth innings leading up to Doolittle.

As mentioned in the Braves preview, it’s tough to make any definitive statements about a 60-game season. Variance is going to have much more of an effect than it would in a 162-game season. Additionally, the NL East is highly competitive. It would be wrong to say with any degree of confidence that the Nationals will win the NL East. For example, the updated PECOTA standings from Baseball Prospectus only project a five-game difference between first and last place in the NL East. What we can say is that the Nationals will give everyone a run for their money in 2020.

NATIONALS SCHEDULE:

Every team will play 60 games. Teams will be playing 40 games against their own division rivals and 20 interleague games against the corresponding geographic division from the other league. Six of the 20 interleague games will be “rivalry” games.

  • July 23, 25-26: vs. Yankees
  • July 27-28: vs. Blue Jays
  • July 29-30: @ Blue Jays
  • July 31-August 2: @ Marlins
  • August 4-5: vs. Mets
  • August 7-9: vs. Orioles
  • August 10-13: @ Mets
  • August 14-16: @ Orioles
  • August 17-19: @ Braves
  • August 21-24: vs. Marlins
  • August 25-27: vs. Phillies
  • August 28-30: @ Red Sox
  • August 31-September 3: @ Phillies
  • September 4-6: @ Braves
  • September 7-8: vs. Rays
  • September 10-13: vs. Braves
  • September 15-16: @ Rays
  • September 18-20: @ Marlins
  • September 21-23: vs. Phillies
  • September 24-27: vs. Mets

The entire Nationals schedule can be seen here.