Wanna run a team’s Twitter account?

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MLBAM has put up a post announcing job openings for the position of “In-game social media coordinator” for the Angels, White Sox, Reds, Rockies, Yankees, Blue Jays and Nationals.

There’s a full job description there, but the upshot is that you’d run your team’s Twitter account during games. If you’ve spent any time on Twitter, you know how that works: be sort of cute while promoting the team with commentary, photos, video clips and all of that. Be enthusiastic and try to go viral but not bad viral. And no, we can’t tell you what is good viral and what is bad viral beforehand. We’ll only know once the fallout happens.

The best part of the job listing itself is the list of suggested topics MLBAM gives you in order for you to do some sample tweets of the kind of stuff you’d post during games. They ask you to compose a tweet for each situation, pretending it’s occurring in real time, and include it in your cover letter. Here they are, with my stab at responses. I’ll pretend they’re for the Braves, even if that job isn’t open:

Your team’s star hitter wins the batting title

“Batting average is so dumb. OBP is way better. Good for Freeman on that .330, but he’s no Joey Votto! #GoBarves”

First day of Spring Training games

“And thus begins a month of meaningless, mailed-in baseball. None of this matters. #EntropyIsReal”

Team wins ninth straight game

“*Inserts audio clip of The Beatles’ “Revolution 9”* #BagismShagismDragismMadism”

Last hour of #FinalVote. Your team’s star hitter is neck and neck with a division rival.

“Did you know that Bryce Harper is a socialist? God, that’s a disgrace. Pick Dansby in the #FinalVote.”

20% off all Club.com shop items

“Do not buy any Braves merchandise with the tomahawk on it. It’s a grotesque appropriation of native symbols. #GoBarves”

Ace starter goes down with elbow injury in 8th inning

R.A. Dickey HAS NO ELBOW LIGAMENT. This must be a false flag operation. #JetFuelCantMeltSteelBeams”

Your team’s best outfielder does it again, making an incredible diving play.

“Inciarte!!!! The Diamonbacks are trash. Nice trade LOL”

Your manager gets ejected after arguing the result of a replay review.

“Man, Snitker’s sure got the red ass today.”

 

Where do I go to sign my employment contract?

Apparent roster snafu changes Blue Jays pitching plans

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ATLANTA — An apparent roster snafu forced the Toronto Blue Jays to change their pitching plans for Thursday night’s game at the Atlanta Braves.

After Nate Pearson gave up three runs in five innings, manager Charlie Montoyo brought in right-hander Jacob Waguespack to open the sixth.

As Waguespack walked to the mound, he was greeted by home plate umpire Alan Porter, who apparently delivered some bad news: The right-hander wasn’t on the 28-man active roster for the game.

The Blue Jays optioned Waguespack and infielder Santiago Espinal to the team’s alternate training site on Thursday to reach the 28-man roster limit.

Montoyo told reporters before the game Waguespack had been recalled when right-hander Trent Thornton was placed on the 10-day injured list with right elbow inflammation. That move apparently was not processed, leaving Waguespack off the active roster.

Waguespack walked to the dugout and Montoyo brought in Rafael Dolis as the official replacement for Pearson.