While we were all worried and/or grossed out by Trevor Bauer‘s finger gushing blood like he was the Black Knight from “Holy Grail,” there was a another bit of David Cronenberg-esque body horror going on with the Cleveland Indians last night.
The body part: a tooth cap. The body part’s owner: Indians manager Terry Francona. It involved chewing tobacco and a 1am visit to a dentist in Toronto. Here, via the Plain Dealer, are Francona’s own words describing the incident, with some slightly more accurate yet still sanitized paraphrasing of Francona’s expletive-filled monologue:
“Right before the game, I mean, like literally, my lower tooth, the veneer popped out while I was chewing. That thing came off and I’m chewing and it felt crunchy. I was like, ‘Uh oh.’
“So, I undid my tobacco and there’s my tooth. So, I’m pissed now. I’m [expletive] hot. I called [team trainer] James [Quinlan] down and I gave him my tooth and I said, ‘You call [the team dentist] and tell him I’m going to [expletive] him up.’ And I said, ‘Tell him he better find me a [expletive] dentist up here tomorrow.’
“So then James comes back in, like, the third inning and I said, ‘Tell me you found a dentist.’ He goes, ‘I came to tell you about Trevor.’ I go, ‘[Screw] Trevor!’
“They found me a dentist last night. I went from [Rogers Centre] to a dentist last night at 1 o’clock in the morning. Some dentist met me downtown and [expletive] put it back in. How about that? That’s unbelievable. I’m good to go. Hell yeah, I’m good to go.
“It didn’t feel good when that tobacco hit that root during the game. I was so conscious of it. I kept [tonguing at it]. I was so mad. [The dentist] was in the training room the other day and he goes, ‘Hey, how are the teeth doing?’ He goes, ‘They’re [expletive] invincible.’ [scoffs] There’s not much there, man. It’s not real good looking.”
Still chewing tobacco with the veneer off, Tito? Well, I guess it is the [expletive] playoffs.