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J.A. Happ doesn’t understand Canada’s bagged milk system

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Starter J.A. Happ is no stranger to Canada. He spent 2013 with the Blue Jays and part of ’14 as well before he was traded to the Mariners in exchange for outfielder Michael Saunders. He re-upped with the Jays on a three-year, $36 million contract this past November.

But there are still some things about Canada that Happ doesn’t get. Like its bagged milk system, as Sportsnet’s Kristina Rutherford found out in an interview. I’ve added last names to denote who said what.

Rutherford: Is there anything you’re still not used to in Canada?

Happ: I think I’ve gotten used to most of the stuff. Grocery shopping is a little different. I still don’t understand the bagged milk situation here.

Rutherford: What?

Happ: You guys sell milk in bags and I don’t really get why, or what you do then with the bags. Other than that it seems like Canada’s doing a pretty good job. [Laughs.] But I don’t get the milk. Put it in a gallon jug so you don’t have the sloppy, messy bag.

Rutherford: You know you put the bag in a milk jug, right?

Happ: Where’s the jug? Do you have to buy the jug separately? Why are they not in the jug already?

Rutherford: Oh my gosh. You have to ask someone at the grocery store for help.

Happ: Why do I have to ask? I should just grab it from the counter and it should be ready for me to drink.

Rutherford: There’s an assumption that you know to put the bag in a milk jug and cut it open.

Happ: [Laughs]. They can’t assume that. I’ve never bought it because I see this bag of milk and I’m like I don’t get what I can do with this thing.

Readers responded to Rutherford’s interview on Twitter. She explained to one reader that Happ talking about bagged milk was “the most fired up he got in 20 minutes of conversation.”

Happ may not understand bagged milk, but he understands pitching at least. The lefty has been solid over 18 starts, putting up a 3.36 ERA with an 89/32 K/BB ratio in 112 1/3 innings for the Jays.

Royals outfielder Gordon to retire after 14 seasons

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Kansas City Royals outfielder Alex Gordon, the former first-round pick whose rollercoaster career took him from near bust to All-Star and Gold Glove winner, announced Thursday he will retire after the season.

Gordon was the second overall pick in the 2005 first-year player draft following a standout career at Nebraska, where he won the Golden Spikes Award as the best amateur in baseball. He made his big league debut two years later and, after a few years shuttling back and forth to the minors, moved from third base to the outfield and finally found success.

He wound up playing his entire 14-year career in Kansas City, joining only George Brett and Frank White as position players with that much longevity with the franchise. He heads into a weekend four-game series against Detroit with the third-most walks (682), fourth-most homers (190), fifth-most doubles (357) and sixth-most games played (1,749) in club history.

The three-time All-Star also holds the dubious distinction of being the Royals’ career leader in getting hit by pitches.

While he never quite hit with the kind of average the Royals hoped he would, Gordon did through sheer grit turn himself into one of the best defensive players in the game. He is the only outfielder to earn seven Gold Gloves in a nine-year span, a number that trails only White’s eight for the most in franchise history, and there are enough replays of him crashing into the outfield wall at Kauffman Stadium or throwing out a runner at the plate to run for hours.

Gordon won the first of three defensive player of the year awards in 2014, when he helped Kansas City return to the World Series for the first time since its 1985 championship. The Royals wound up losing to the Giants in a seven-game thriller, but they returned to the Fall Classic the following year and beat the Mets in five games to win the World Series.

It was during the 2015 that Gordon hit one of the iconic homers in Royals history. His tying shot off Mets closer Jeurys Familia in Game 1 forced extra innings, and the Royals won in 14 to set the tone for the rest of the World Series.

Gordon signed a one-year contract to return this season, and he never considered opting out when the coronavirus pandemic caused spring training to be halted and forced Major League Baseball to play a dramatically reduced 60-game schedule.

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