The Braves and Twins are a combined 0-11. I feel like we’re not going to have a reenactment of 1991 this year. At least outside of my 25th high school reunion. That’s probably for the best. There’s enough right now reminding me how old I am.
The scores. The highlights:
Blue Jays 3, Red Sox 0: Marco Estrada pitched seven shutout innings and Josh Donadlson hit a homer so, after four straight losses and some concerns about injuries and things, all is right with the word in Toronto. Except for that thing about how they sell milk in bags up there. I’ll never get that.
Reds 2, Pirates 1: Triples are the best thing in baseball. I will go to my grave believing that triples are the best thing in baseball. Of all the things. Here Jay Bruce hit a walkoff triple. Walkoff homers get all the press, but a walkoff triple is pretty much the peak way to end a game.
Phillies 5, Mets 2: On Friday the Phillies botched the infield fly rule of all things and some reporters were tweeting that they were the worst baseball team they’ve seen in a while. Saturday and Sunday were better because, you know, they actually won their first two games of the year. Odubel Herrera hit a two-run homer. In other news, “Odubel Herrera” is the name a baseball video game would use for “Asdrubal Cabrera” if it was too cheap to get proper licensing rights.
Cardinals 12, Braves 7: Here are the real candidates for worst team in baseball. Your Atlanta Braves. They fall to 0-5 as Brandon Moss and Matt Carpenter each hit three-run homers. The Twins are 0-6 so I guess that should make Atlanta feel better but the Twins have a lot more talent and stuff so there’s hope for them.
Orioles 5, Rays 3: On the other end of the scale are the unbeaten Orioles. Manny Machado went 4-for-4 with a two-run homer. This win came despite starting Vance Worley — who, if you held a gun to my head, I couldn’t have told you what team he was pitching for this season before today — and despite him pitching poorly. When you’re going well you’re going well.
Nationals 4, Marlins 2: Jayson Werth started the season 0-for-13 but hit a go-ahead, RBI single in the seventh to help key the Nats’ win. Bryce Harper did Bryce Harper things. Joe Ross allowed a run and five hits in seven innings. All the postgame quotes are about how everyone knew Werth would come around eventually, but he’s gonna be 37 next month so it’s not like that was — or is — a guarantee. Not hating or anything. Just very fascinated with aging patterns these days. Guys get older faster in the post-PED era. I wonder when our talk about older guys and the assumptions that they’re just fine, they just need to heat up will adjust to it.
Brewers 3, Astros 2:Dallas Keuchel walked four in the first inning and six overall. Those first inning walks contributed to two runs and in a low-scoring game that was pretty critical. Keuchel walked four in seven innings in the opener against the Yankees too. The Brewers’ Jimmy Nelson, meanwhile, walked four of his own but he struck out nine and didn’t bunch his walks.
Royals 4, Twins 3: I guess a walkoff wild pitch is kind of exciting too. Not triple exciting, but still pretty cool. Like a little jolt of “what the HELL happened?!” That had to hurt Twins fans, though not as much as their boys blowing a two-run lead in the ninth. This is the Twins’ worst start since they became the Twins in 1961.
Angels 3, Rangers 1: People spent all spring talking about how Jered Weaver was throwing slower than an old dad a the guess-the-speed booth at the state fair but all he did in his season debut was allow one run over six innings to the defending AL West champs. Take your radar gun and dip it in the elephant ear batter. Mike Trout went 0-for-1 but still drove in two runs. Box scores are fun.
Rockies 6, Padres 3: Trevor Story is getting a little ridiculous. He hit his seventh homer, setting the Major League record for home runs in a team’s first six games of a season. Oftentimes arbitrary endpoint “records” like that are silly, but given the guys he passed — Larry Walker (6, 1997), Mike Schmidt (6, 1976), and Willie Mays (6, 1964) — I think we’ll count this one.
Giants 9, Dodgers 6: The Giants take three of four from their rivals. This win came after finding themselves down 5-0 after the top of the first. Buster Posey, Brandon Belt and Angel Pagan all homered and Joe Panik hit a tiebreaking two-run double in the sixth. Despite that five-run first inning, Johnny Cueto only gave up one run in the next six innings and got the win. There’s something to be said for having a freakin’ horse like him. He could’ve just worn it for a few more innings but he just shook it the heck off and forgot about that first inning. Pretty sweet.
Athletics 2, Mariners 1: Felix Hernandez pitched seven shutout innings and struck out ten but still got the no-decision and the Mariners lost. This feels like 2010 or something. Coco Crisp hit a two-out homer in the 10th inning which eventually won the game.
Cubs 7, Diamondbacks 3: Jake Arrieta allowed three runs and eight hits and struck out six in seven innings, but the highlight for him on the day was his 442-foot homer. There’s helping your own cause, but that was ridiculous.
Yankees vs. Tigers; Indians vs. White Sox: POSTPONED — And I was down at the banquet hall when two guys came up, pretty angry and drunk.And I’m still here at the banquet hall, at the banquet hall. Where the gun went off, in the Carolina Rain. In the Carolina Rain, in the Carolina Rain, Oh, Caroline.