The Washington Nationals create a “gathering spot for Millennials”

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Condescending to Millennials is a very popular pastime these days. There are tens of millions of them in this country, coming from every single race, ethnicity, religion and socioeconomic background imaginable, and they hold any manner of social, political and ethical views you can think of. But in the minds of the Business and Marketing Industrial Complex, they’re all basically the same group of white upper middle class kids holding iPhones and being narcissistic in some way.

This is understandable. High-Minded ThinkPieces about Millennials are very popular lately. They’re hard enough to write as it is, but they’d be nearly impossible to write if you had to see the subjects you’re trying to describe as a diverse blob of millions of different people as opposed to one easily pigeonholed group of cliches. Much better to just ignorantly generalize.

Which brings us to the Nationals. Who are doing this:

I don’t know how they’re going to ensure that Millennials will hang out there given that, according to the ThinkPieces, they only drink obscure craft beer and hate baseball. Odds are that that deck is gonna be filled with the same white New Balance-wearing Baby Boomers who think they’re being fancy by ordering a Blue Moon that hang out all over the rest of the ballpark. Maybe some of my aging fellow Gen-Xers and I will show up our flannel shirts, channeling Chandler Bing by saying things like “could Jayson Werth BE any more useless?!” But Millennials? Pfft! They’re probably gonna be off in their safe spaces someplace, not watching a baseball game.

Wait! That’s it! They should call it “The Washington Nationals Budweiser Millennial Safe Place.” It’ll be perfect! And they can rename the level right above it the “Helicopter Deck” for their parents. With whom they live and who take them to the game because every single 18-35-year-old in the country lives with their parents as they’re too entitled to bother paying their own way.

See? This stuff is easy.

Phillies’ Bryce Harper to miss start of season after elbow surgery

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PHILADELPHIA – Phillies slugger Bryce Harper will miss the start of the 2023 season after he had reconstructive right elbow surgery.

The operation was performed by Dr. Neal ElAttrache in Los Angeles.

Harper is expected to return to Philadelphia’s lineup as the designated hitter by the All-Star break. He could be back in right field by the end of the season, according to the team.

The 30-year-old Harper suffered a small ulnar collateral ligament tear in his elbow in April. He last played right field at Miami on April 16. He had a platelet-rich plasma injection in May and shifted to designated hitter.

Harper met Nov. 14 with ElAttrache, who determined the tear did not heal on its own, necessitating surgery.

Even with the elbow injury, Harper led the Phillies to their first World Series since 2009, where they lost in six games to Houston. He hit .349 with six homers and 13 RBIs in 17 postseason games.

In late June, Harper suffered a broken thumb when he was hit by a pitch and was sidelined for two months. The two-time NL MVP still hit .286 with 18 homers and 65 RBIs for the season.

Harper left Washington and signed a 13-year, $330 million contract with the Phillies in 2019. A seven-time All-Star, Harper has 285 career home runs.

With Harper out, the Phillies could use Nick Castellanos and Kyle Schwarber at designated hitter. J.T. Realmuto also could serve as the DH when he needs a break from his catching duties.