Wanna buy a jar of game-used dirt?

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I’m on record as saying that a lot of memorabilia is lame and that autograph collecting is weird. I realize people have varying opinions about this, but in my mind it’s the memories which last forever. The totems seem less important to me.

There are degrees to this, however. And after seeing what MLB is selling, I will never criticize your game-used jersey or autographed ball ever again. What are they auctioning? Dirt. Like, actual infield dirt. For $25 a pop. It comes in a jar. It’s “authenticated” too because the last thing you want is fake dirt.

“Wow, dad! Is that REAL dirt from the 2009 All-Star Game?”

“Yes, son. It sure is!”

“Were you there?!”

“No, son. I watched it on television. Then, seven years later, I purchased this jar of dirt from Major League Baseball.”

“You’re my hero, dad!”

[hugs his father forever]