Brian Cashman has a fart machine

23 Comments

Last week we linked a teaser to a big S.L. Price story in Sports Illustrated about Yankees general manager Brian Cashman. The takeaway there was stuff about how Cashman told Derek Jeter at point blank range that he’d rather have Troy Tulowitzki as his shortstop than Jeter. Of course this happened in the course of a contract negotiation and, hey, Jeter asked. Cashman just gave him an honest answer.

The full Price story on Cashman is up today. And it’s a good one, talking about how Cashman has survived so long in New York despite the turmoil, the pressure, the self-inflicted wounds and those inflicted by crazy people like Steinbrenner, Levine, A-Rod and God knows who else. Probably the best thing about Cashman I’ve ever read.

If for no other reason than it reveals that Cashman has a fart machine. Like, really. When talking about how Cashman relieves stress and likes to have fun, Price gives us this:

Or, in the final few minutes before first pitch one night in July, Cashman walks outside his office to the corner between suites 45 and 46, near the giant photos of Andy Pettitte being heroic. He backs up to a nearby wall. A cluster of fans wanders by, and he clicks the button on a key-ring-sized remote. The sound is loud, unmistakable: They start and redden and wonder, Who just…? Cashman howls. A woman walks over.

“What’re you doing?” she says.

“Putting my fart machine on,” Cashman says.

He keeps pressing the button. Heads swivel, eyes narrow: Did you…? A small crowd gathers. Jim Leyritz, World Series hero of 1996, big homer in Game 4, back in baseball after years of turmoil, wanders up. The two men talk pitching, but Cashman’s thumb has a job to do.

“I got my fart machine,” he says.

“Is that what that is?” Leyritz says.

“This is my therapy, right here.”

A couple and a child: Gotcha! Cashman scans the hall for the next victim. Is it time? … Now! “Too many burritos!” a man yells.

Hey, some people drink. Some people take pills. If using a fart machine is what makes a tough job work for Cashman, more power to him.

Roberto Osuna suspended 75 games for violating domestic violence policy

Blue Jays Osuna Baseball
Getty Images
5 Comments

Blue Jays closer Roberto Osuna has been suspended for 75 games without pay after violating the league’s Joint Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault and Child Abuse Policy, Major League Baseball announced Friday. The suspension is retroactive to May 8 and will lift on August 4. Osuna has decided not to appeal the decision.

Osuna was charged with one count of assault against his girlfriend following his arrest on May 8. Per FanRag Sports’ Jon Heyman, the reliever is set to undergo trial on July 9. No details regarding his specific actions in the case have been publicly released, but Heyman adds that MLB was reportedly able to interview the victim prior to issuing the suspension. League Commissioner Rob Manfred issued the following statement:

My office has completed its investigation into the allegation that Roberto Osuna violated Major League Baseball’s Joint Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault and Child Abuse Policy on May 8, 2018. Having reviewed all of the available evidence, I have concluded that Mr. Osuna violated the Policy and should be subject to discipline in the form of an unpaid suspension that will expire on August 4th.

Osuna, 23, pitched just 15 1/3 innings during the 2018 season prior to his arrest. He has been on administrative leave since May 8.