On the one hand, this list from Banished to the Pen laying out the steps for Cardinals fans to cope with the hacking scandal is pretty funny, as it traffics in all of the fun Cardinals jokes we have come to know and love.
On the other hand, it’s actually fairly useful for every sports fan when bad, off-the-field news comes. As I’ve noted many times recently, it seems to me that when anything happens in sports, the number one predictor to how a given person will respond to it is the team they root for. It’s reflexive and so, so often stupid. People who would never make some bad, rationalizing arguments about a given topic will commonly do so in defense of the sports team they root for. And won’t do so for a rival. It’s so tribal and so dumb.
Which is why this list — which emphasizes the disconnect between a fan’s identity and a team’s identity and reminds us to keep our sense of humor and perspective — is pretty damn useful.
José Bautista hasn’t appeared in the majors since 2018 but the 39-year-old isn’t done playing just yet. Last month, we learned via a report from ESPN’s Jeff Passan that Bautista is hoping to come back as a two-way player. He spent the winter working out as a pitcher.
Bautista had also been working with former Blue Jays teammate Marcus Stroman. Back in January, Stroman tweeted, “My bro @JoeyBats19 is nasty on the mound. We been working working. All jokes aside, this man can pitch in a big league bullpen. I’ll put my word on it!”
In March, Passan added some details about Bautista, writing, “I’ve seen video of Jose Bautista throwing a bullpen session. Couldn’t tell the velocity, but one source said he can run his fastball up to 94. His slider had legitimate tilt — threw a short one and a bigger bender. @STR0 said in January he could pitch in a big league bullpen.” Stroman retweeted it, adding, “Facts!”
Stroman reiterated his feelings on Tuesday. He tweeted, “Since y’all thought I wasn’t being serious when I said it the first time…my bro @JoeyBats19could EASILY pitch in a big league bullpen. Easily. Sinker, slider, and changeup are MLB ready!” Stroman attached a video of Bautista throwing a slider, in which one can hear Stroman calling the pitch “nasty.”
Stroman attached another video of Bautista throwing a glove-side sinker:
Replying to a fan, Stroman said Bautista’s body “is in better shape than 90-95% of the league.”
I am not a scout and won’t pretend to be one after watching two low-resolution videos. And Stroman’s hype is likely partially one friend attempting to uplift another. That being said, I’ve seen much worse from position players attempting to pitch. It’s a long shot, especially given his age, that Bautista will ever pitch in the majors, but it wouldn’t be surprising to see him get an opportunity to pitch in front of major league scouts.