Video: Alfredo Simon throws Torii Hunter two eephus pitches. Maybe.

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I don’t know if this is technically an eephus pitch. Someone will likely chime in and say that, actually, an eephus pitch is not just some slow junk pitch designed to throw the hitter off guard but really has to arc way up high like 30 feet and come back down to truly be called that.

Maybe that’s the case, but it’s also the case that “literally” doesn’t mean “figuratively” and “non-plussed” is supposed to mean “surprised and confused,” not “unimpressed,” but usage by people who don’t know what they’re talking about has quite literally changed their definition according to the folks who write dictionaries.

As person who thinks words actually mean things, these developments have me non-plussed. Almost as non-plussed as Torii Hunter looked after getting the first of two eephus pitches from Alfredo Simon last night:

 

Ultimately, I have learned to give in to the mob with these sorts of things. I doubt I’ll ever intentionally and seriously use “literally” to mean “figuratively,” but I may slip on “non-plussed” at some point. And I’m willing to call any non-knuckleball that doesn’t exceed 65 miles per hour an eephus pitch. Life is too short to fight over crap like that.

Koji Uehara has retired

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Jim Allen of Kyodo News reports that Koji Uehara has retired from baseball.

Uehara, 44, has spent the past two seasons with the Yomiuri Giants, which is the where he began his career way back in 1998. He spent eight years there as a starter, winning 20 games in his rookie season, then one year as a closer and one year in swingman duties before coming to the United States.

Once in the majors he pitched for four different major league teams over nine seasons — the Orioles, Rangers, Red Sox and Cubs — from 2009-2017. In that time he posted an excellent 2.66 ERA, 0.89 WHIP, and 572/78 K/BB ratio in 480.2 innings and notched 95 saves. He won a World Series ring with the Red Sox in 2013 and was an All-Star in 2014. Uehara’s last big league stint in America with the Cubs in 2017, for whom he posted a 3.98 ERA (111 ERA+) in 49 games.

Happy trails to an excellent reliever.