Bartolo Colon picks off a baserunner. By running him down all by himself.

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[Braves clubhouse — some time in the not-too-distant future. A.J. Pierzynski surrounded by reporters]

Reporter: So, when did you know it was time to retire, A.J.?

Pierzynski: Well, you know, you just get to that point when it feels right. There’s no one specific moment or anything like that.

If he does say that, he’s lying. Because this has to be the moment:

I have no idea what Pierzynski was doing. He doesn’t steal bases or anything. All I know is that, after that happened, that Fox broadcaster chair has to look pretty inviting.

As for Colon, nothing he does at this point would surprise me. He has transcended baseball. He’s a phenomenon.

Zack Wheeler will miss at least two starts when his wife gives birth

Zack Wheeler miss starts
Cliff Welch/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images
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Per The Athletic’s Matt Gelb, Phillies starter Zack Wheeler will miss at least two starts when his wife goes into labor and gives birth to their first child, expected to be later this month. Wheeler, in fact, is not sure if he will return to play at all once their child is born.

Wheeler said, “We just have to see how things are here at the field and at the stadium. I’m happy with what I see so far. But things could change, especially once our baby’s born. I always think about what’s going on around me. Is it safe? Is it OK? Literally every single day. I have to just ask myself that. I’m going to continue to keep asking myself that every day.”

Wheeler, 30, inked a five-year, $118 million contract with the Phillies in December. He is slated for the No. 2 spot in the rotation behind Aaron Nola. Last season, with the Mets, Wheeler posted a 3.96 ERA with 195 strikeouts and 50 walks over 195 1/3 innings.

The No. 5 spot in the Phillies’ rotation is currently up for grabs between Nick Pivetta, Vince Velasquez, Ranger Suárez, and prospect Spencer Howard. One of the remaining three could fill in for Wheeler when he needs time off, temporarily or otherwise.