Matt Gelb of the Philly Inquirer reports that Ruben Amaro has distributed a handbook about Phillies procedures and philosophies to team coaches, scouts, athletic trainers during organizational meetings this week. The headline at the Inquirer calls it a “Phillies Way” handbook.
Now, obviously, it’s good to have a philosophy. And the Phillies aren’t the first to do this, be it formally like this or merely rhetorically. We’ve mocked the Braves and Cardinals for this in the past, but the mockery is aimed at believing one’s “Way” is somehow exceptional or superior to everyone else’s, not because they actually have and encourage a certain manner of doing things. It’s good for the Phillies to have this sort of thing. I’d want every team to instill its theories and methods up and down the organization.
But . . . based on how things have gone in Philly the past few seasons, and given Ruben Amaro’s specific methods, you’re gonna have to put me in a straightjacket to stop me from thinking up the funny crap that could, if the book was honest, be in a “Phillies Way” handbook.
Stuff like “we believe, as an organization, in establishing insanely, easily-achievable and wholly unremarkable benchmarks for vesting options for players over 35-years-old and endeavor to reward those achievements lucratively.” Or “optimism is the hallmark of the Philadelphia Phillies. With ‘optimism’ being defined as ‘doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Or “math is hard.”
I’m sure you have some ideas of what might appear in such a book as well. It’s a slow day. Let’s share!
(Thanks to Paper Lions for the heads up)