The time Dee Gordon threw 944 pitches and lost a game by the score of 164-16

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Also, Adam Dunn ht 81 home runs. One of them did anyway. There were 25 of them. There were also 25 Bartolo Colons, Dee Gordons, and Koji Ueharas. They all played against each other in a four team league.

Confused? You won’t be, after reading Patrick Dubuque’s description of his Clone Baseball League:

Thus I began this mad, stupid experiment. The premise is simple: using everyone’s favorite realistic baseball simulation, Out of the Park 2015, I created teams of baseball players by cloning a single player until they filled the active roster, and set them against each other in 162 games of gory combat. The results exceeded my wildest expectations.

The four teams in the CBL (Clone Baseball League) are:

• The Adam Dunns
• The Dee Gordons
• The Bartolo Colons
• The Koji Ueharas

The results are even crazier than the premise. Let’s just say that Dee Gordon — one of them; I forget which — has a serious grievance with his team and its medical staff.

I love this stuff. Jon Bois of SB Nation did this with football last year in his “Breaking Madden” series. I used to do rudimentary versions of this with weird baseball simulators from the 1980s and 1990s (I was a big Lance Hafner fan). It’s fun to play God. And often hilarious.

Tyler Glasnow scheduled to rejoin Rays’ rotation

Jonathan Dyer-USA TODAY Sports
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ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. — Tampa Bay Rays right-hander Tyler Glasnow is scheduled to rejoin the rotation at Cleveland after missing nearly 14 months because of Tommy John surgery.

The Rays’ Opening Day starter last year hasn’t pitched this season after undergoing the procedure on Aug. 4, 2021.

“I think we’re pretty confident he’ll be starting for us,” Tampa Bay manager Kevin Cash said before the game with Toronto. “This is the first time he’s thrown pain-free in quite some time, so he’s encouraged by it.”

The 6-foot-8 right-hander went 5-2 with a 2.66 ERA in 14 starts last year and is a key addition as the Rays near a wild-card spot.

“Compared to the past, like, three years it feels way better as far as postday and the week leading into starts and stuff,” Glasnow said. “It’s good to have an UCL, you know.”

Cash said Glasnow will throw around 45 pitches in his initial outing, which should allow him to go two or three innings.

“Two innings of Glasnow is still a huge plus for our team,” Cash said. “Like to get three innings. If we do, great. If we don’t, that’s fine, too.”

Glasnow allowed one run, one hit, four walks and had 14 strikeouts over seven innings in four starts with Triple-A Durham.

“I’m really excited,” Glasnow said. “I’m approaching it like normal, staying on routine. Feels normal.”

Glasnow signed a two-year, $30.35 million contract that will delay the start of his free agency by one year last month. He’s making $5.1 million this year and will get $5.35 million next season and $25 million in 2024, which is the first year he would have been eligible for free agency.