Great Moments in “If the Boss were alive”

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Andrew Sullivan often mentions the fact that when he was a reporter at the New Republic his editor, Michael Kinsley, would say that he wished he had a single key on his computer that he could press before even reading an article that would delete all semicolons and replace them with a period and automatically capitalize the next word. Why? Because, Kinsley thought, semicolons were useless crutches which enabled bloated, aimless prose and served to prevent the writer from actually saying something useful, clear and succinct.

If I ever seriously mess up in life and find myself editing some Yankees columnist, I’d want a key that automatically deletes any variation of “If George Steinbrenner were alive” and replace it with the words “[columnist] is ill today. He will return next week.”

The latest abuser of this shopworn cliche of Yankees analysis: Bill Madden:

If George Steinbrenner were alive, you know there would be some kind of shakeup. Heads would roll somewhere. Changes — if nothing else for the sake of changes — would be in the offing.

That’s the difference between a regular columnist and a Spink Award-winning columnist like Madden. The Spink Award guy has the guts and job security to add the “heads would roll” cliche to the “if the Boss were still alive” cliche. He throws it all out there.

In other news, Steinbrenner is still dead. And even when he was alive, he had spent the last 15 years or so running a Yankees team with managerial and executive stability nearly unrivaled in all of baseball. Why? Because he changed and matured and realized that he couldn’t do things like he did back in 1982 and be successful anymore.

If only New York columnists could do that.

Ronald Acuña’s CT scan comes back clean

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The Braves announced late this morning that the CT scan on Ronald Acuña’s left elbow came back clear and he is considered day-to-day.

As you have all heard by now, Acuña was pulled from Wednesday night’s game against the Marlins after taking a Jose Urena pitch off his elbow in the bottom of the first inning in what was quite obviously an intentional plunking. Acuña  only suffered a bruise and some swelling. He missed all but that at bat of last night’s game and will likely sit out tonight’s game against the Rockies. It is expected that he’ll be back in action this weekend, however.

Acuña is batting .358/.425/.821 with 12 home runs, 24 RBI, and 25 runs scored over his last 25 games.