Who could’ve predicted Tim Lincecum’s no-hitter? Maybe an astrologer

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Wendy Thurm — who was at the Giants-Padres game as a fan yesterday and then ended up filing some stories about Tim Lincecum’s no-hitter last night — tweeted out this overnight. It’s from Leah Garchik at SFgate.com:

The spring-summer 2014 edition of “The Ultimate Sports Guide” includes astrologer Andrea Mallis’ analysis of Tim Lincecum, born June 15, 1984: “This season heralds Tim’s Saturn Return, an auspicious planetary cycle of new beginnings occurring around age 29 or 30.” Lincecum “is aligning with the forces of the universe, as the Saturn Return guides him to prioritize objectives. … We move forward as the planets do, as transformation morphs into Lincecum 2.0, getting back on track as the stars align. A repurposed Gemini Twins blend of inner peace and outward persistence makes this a Saturn Return season to remember.”

I don’t feel like Lincecum has ever lacked “inner peace,” but what do I know? I’s nice to see that he’s returning to Saturn, however.

[Shakes head, puts on his John McClane from “Die Hard” voice]: California.

Blue Jays clinch playoff berth with Orioles’ loss to Red Sox

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TORONTO — The Blue Jays clinched a postseason berth Thursday without taking the field.

Toronto was assured of an AL wild card berth when the Boston Red Sox beat the Baltimore Orioles 5-3.

If Toronto holds its current position as the first of the AL’s three wild cards, the Blue Jays would open a best-of-three wild-card series at Rogers Centre next week.

“These guys are excited to be in this position,” Blue Jays manager John Schneider said after Wednesday’s 8-3 loss to the New York Yankees. “You’ve got three really good pitchers lined up against a good Boston team, playing at home. So I think it’s more excitement more than it’s nerves or anything. I think the guys are going to come out and be ready to roll on Friday night.”

Toronto became the fourth AL team to clinch a playoff berth, joining division champions Houston, the Yankees and Cleveland. The Astros and Yankees have first-round byes.

The Blue Jays last went to the playoffs in 2020, when they were knocked out with two straight losses to Tampa Bay.

Eight of the 12 berths in the expanded postseason have been clinched: The Los Angeles Dodgers and St. Louis earned division titles, and Atlanta and the New York Mets are assured no worse the wild cards while still competing to win the NL East. The Dodgers have a first-round bye.