Chris Christie would love to be the Mets general manager

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In a historic meeting of the minds, New Jersey governor Chris Christie went on the Boomer and Carton show and had this to say about his ambitions:

Many believe New Jersey governor Chris Christie is eying a 2016 presidential campaign, but the lifelong Mets fan admitted Friday that he has another dream job in mind.

“I would love to be general manager of the Mets,” he told WFAN radio’s Boomer and Carton show. “If Sandy (Alderson) would put his crap in boxes and get out of there now, I’d be happy to go there now . . . I texted my son after they lost one of the games this week: It is impossible to watch. It is impossible to watch. Just when you care about them as much as I do, it’s hard to watch sometimes.”

Christie’s key to putting the Mets over the top: requiring Mets players to report to the ballpark at 1:30 each day, having his aides close the Queensboro Bridge, the Midtown Tunnel, LaGuardia Airport and the 7 train at 2pm each day, thereby preventing the visiting team from making it in and — due to 81 forfeits, the Mets would skate to an undefeated home record.

That should ensure even the crappiest Mets teams, what, a 110+ win season? That gets them home field in the playoffs, where they’d be assured of at least 4-3 series wins. World Championships would assured if the NL wins the All-Star Game each year, thus giving the Mets home field advantage in the Fall Classic.

Yes, attendance would suck due to the closures, but who wants to go to Mets games anyway? They’e all boring forfeits!

Bryce Harper is pandering hard to Philly fans

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Bryce Harper hadn’t even addressed his new hometown fans before his Phillies jersey started selling like hotcakes. Since then, he’s said all the expected things. Talking about joining the Phillies, he said, “From day one, it felt right … I always talk about family and being a family, being one unit, and I get that from this team. Every guy has your back and vice versa. I’m very excited to go into battle with these guys.”

Harper is continuing to pander hard to Phillies fans. Behold his latest Instagram post:

Has anyone ever really longed to see the Liberty Bell?

Harper also famously recreated that Chase Utley scene from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia with actor Rob McElhenney on Twitter:

In Harper’s next post, he will talk about alternating bottles of You-eng-ling beers with glasses of “wooder.” He’ll add that every so often he will treat himself to a steak sandwich with cheese on it, then go home to watch all of the movies in the Rocky series.