Apparently, Matt Harvey needs to “snap a lid on his mouth”

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That’s not my view. That’s the view of CBS New York columnist Jason Keidel, who takes Matt Harvey to task for all of the awful things he’s done. Like, um, jokingly flashing a middle finger at his mom in a picture, like a lot of people have done. Or posing nude in Sports Illustrated like a lot of other athletes have done. Or for having a girlfriend and being seen in public with her.

Darn, I feel like after reading all of the bile Keidel spewed at Harvey in that column that there had to be more, but I guess not. That’s the sum total of his transgressions. But believe you me, they’re enough to warrant Keidel telling Harvey to straighten up and, more importantly, shut up:

Harvey is already wearing us out. Between the middle-digit tweet, the talk of no Tommy John when they first found the torn ligament in his golden arm, posing for nude photos for ESPN and the perfunctory, courtside Barbie doll on his arm at every game, he’s making way more noise in the stands than on the diamond.

Harvey sparkles on the diamond — where he belongs — but not in the media, the front row or the operating table.

Do your slicing on the mound. We don’t need to hear from you now, particularly that you think you can start six or seven games this year, when you need to wait until next year. Unless Harvey got his medical degree during the offseason, he shouldn’t go all James Andrews on us . . .And if he has an ounce of sense in his skull he will snap a lid on his mouth.

The whole column is Keidel telling Harvey to shut up. Which is great considering I can’t for the life of me think of a single controversial thing Harvey has actually said.

That’d be great enough, but it’s even better when Keidel says that Harvey should adopt the humble off-the-field demeanor (though obviously not the habits) of Doc Gooden. And that he should learn from Miguel Cabrera, who was once trouble but not a model citizen. Yes, really, Keidel is arguing that a polite drug addict and a reformed domestic abuser/drunk driver have life lessons for him. Because, obviously, what Harvey has done is just like that stuff. Or, at the very least, that being open and obvious about having a girlfriend and flying the occasional bird in a photo is worse than secretly being a drug addict.

Anyway, this is obviously clownshoes stuff. A guy in the media ranting on about how players shouldn’t be human and shouldn’t do things that force — literally force — people to write gossip items and hand-wringing columns like this.

Cardinals tab Miles Mikolas for Opening Day start

Miles Mikolas
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The Cardinals have selected right-hander Miles Mikolas as their Opening Day starter, the club revealed Saturday. It’ll mark the first career Opening Day start for Mikolas, who is scheduled to go up against the Brewers when the team hits the road on March 28.

The 29-year-old righty was a strong contender for the 2018 NL Cy Young Award, earning All-Star distinctions and pitching to a career-best 18-4 record with a 2.83 ERA, 1.3 BB/9, 6.5 SO/9, and 4.3 fWAR over 200 2/3 innings. He’s positioned to lead the Cardinals rotation in 2019 as well, with former Opening Day starters Carlos Martínez and Adam Wainwright and some combination of right-handers Jack Flaherty, Michael Wacha, Alex Reyes, and John Gant behind him.

Manager Mike Shildt told reporters that Flaherty, Wacha, Wainwright, and Martínez had all been considered for the honor, but admitted that Opening Day honors were ultimately handed to Mikolas “in recognition of [his performance] last year.” The Cardinals are scheduled to play a four-game set against the Brewers to start the season and will stop over in Pittsburgh for another two games before returning to St. Louis for their opening homestand against the Padres on April 4. Additional pitching assignments have yet to be announced.