Apparently, Matt Harvey needs to “snap a lid on his mouth”

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That’s not my view. That’s the view of CBS New York columnist Jason Keidel, who takes Matt Harvey to task for all of the awful things he’s done. Like, um, jokingly flashing a middle finger at his mom in a picture, like a lot of people have done. Or posing nude in Sports Illustrated like a lot of other athletes have done. Or for having a girlfriend and being seen in public with her.

Darn, I feel like after reading all of the bile Keidel spewed at Harvey in that column that there had to be more, but I guess not. That’s the sum total of his transgressions. But believe you me, they’re enough to warrant Keidel telling Harvey to straighten up and, more importantly, shut up:

Harvey is already wearing us out. Between the middle-digit tweet, the talk of no Tommy John when they first found the torn ligament in his golden arm, posing for nude photos for ESPN and the perfunctory, courtside Barbie doll on his arm at every game, he’s making way more noise in the stands than on the diamond.

Harvey sparkles on the diamond — where he belongs — but not in the media, the front row or the operating table.

Do your slicing on the mound. We don’t need to hear from you now, particularly that you think you can start six or seven games this year, when you need to wait until next year. Unless Harvey got his medical degree during the offseason, he shouldn’t go all James Andrews on us . . .And if he has an ounce of sense in his skull he will snap a lid on his mouth.

The whole column is Keidel telling Harvey to shut up. Which is great considering I can’t for the life of me think of a single controversial thing Harvey has actually said.

That’d be great enough, but it’s even better when Keidel says that Harvey should adopt the humble off-the-field demeanor (though obviously not the habits) of Doc Gooden. And that he should learn from Miguel Cabrera, who was once trouble but not a model citizen. Yes, really, Keidel is arguing that a polite drug addict and a reformed domestic abuser/drunk driver have life lessons for him. Because, obviously, what Harvey has done is just like that stuff. Or, at the very least, that being open and obvious about having a girlfriend and flying the occasional bird in a photo is worse than secretly being a drug addict.

Anyway, this is obviously clownshoes stuff. A guy in the media ranting on about how players shouldn’t be human and shouldn’t do things that force — literally force — people to write gossip items and hand-wringing columns like this.

Report: Dodgers to sign Joe Kelly to three-year deal

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Ken Rosenthal of The Athletic reports that the Dodgers are close to signing reliever Joe Kelly. Jeff Passan of Yahoo Sports reports that the deal is for three years and around $25 million.

Kelly, 30, posted a 4.39 ERA with a 68/32 K/BB ratio in 65 2/3 innings out of the Red Sox bullpen during the regular season in 2018. He turned it up a notch in the postseason, limiting the opposition to two runs (one earned) in 11 1/3 innings with a 13/0 K/BB ratio.

With the Red Sox, Kelly mostly pitched seventh and eighth innings ahead of closer Craig Kimbrel. He will likely do the same ahead of closer Kenley Jansen, sharing the workload with Pedro Báez.