Report: Marlins close to signing Miguel Tejada

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Enrique Rojas of ESPN Deportes reports that the Marlins are close to signing Miguel Tejada to a minor-league contract.

Tejada spent last season in a part-time role with the Royals, hitting .288 with three homers and a .695 OPS in 167 plate appearances spread over 53 games. He was placed on the disabled list in August with a calf injury and then shortly after that received a 105-game suspension for repeated amphetamine usage. Another positive test would lead to a lifetime ban.

All of which makes the Marlins signing him an odd move. Tejada is 40 years old, hasn’t posted an OPS above .700 since 2009, and can no longer handle shortstop defensively. They must really want the former MVP around in a possible utility role.

Tom Brady’s bid to trademark ‘Tom Terrific’ rejected

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Remember back in June when New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady attempted to trademark “Tom Terrific?” And how everyone laughed at him because anyone who knows the first thing about sports knows that Tom Seaver, not Brady, was the first — and, frankly, only — “Tom Terrific?”

Well, our laughing was validated because his application was rejected by the Patent and Trademark Office because of a “false connection” with Tom Seaver. That’s the report from trademark lawyer Josh Gerben, who analyzes Brady’s failed bid here:

Next up on Great Moments in Hubris, I presume, will be my often ridiculous alma mater. But for now:

Sit down, son.