Yesterday was an important day. It was the fifth anniversary of Bud Selig convening a committee to investigate the Oakland Athletics potential move to San Jose.
Not that we shoulda expected anything by now. Anyone who has followed baseball’s business matters for any length of time can tell you that Bud Selig forms committees for one purpose and one purpose only: to get people to quit asking him about things or blaming him for stuff. To give him a committee he can point to in order to say “hey, they’re working on it. I’ll know something when you do.” There’s no real urgency to fix the problem, obviously.
So the A’s still sit in Oakland, San Jose spins its wheels and people act like the A’s not being there is about anything other than the Giants owning territorial right to San Jose. Which they don’t like to mention, because to do so is to remind people that baseball has carved up territories in a way that is every bit as retrograde as European carving up Africa in the 19th century.
But at least the five year anniversary gives me an excuse to listen to this:
Ichiro wore a fake mustache to sneak into the Mariners’ dugout
Ichiro Suzuki is now a Mariners employee and, as such, he’s not allowed to sit in the dugout during a game. That’s for coaches and players only.
He knows that, too. Indeed, on the day Ichiro announced his sorta-retirement, he talked about how it was going to be hard not to be down on the field with the other players. He even made a ridiculous joke about how, “[he] can’t say for certain that maybe [he] won’t put on a beard and glasses and be like Bobby Valentine and be in the dugout.”
In related news, this mysterious stranger was seen by an Associated Press photographer in the Mariners dugout during the first couple of innings of the M’s-Yankees game:
No beard, but I guess that joke was not very ridiculous after all. Either way, by the end of the second inning — poof — he was gone.
Obviously, when something interesting like this happens you mustache an expert for their opinion on the matter. To that end, the Associated Press reached Bobby Valentine, who famously did the same thing after an ejection way back in 1999, for comment:
“He was perfect. I never would have known it was him.”
Valentine was suspended for two games and fined $5,000. I’m assuming Ichiro won’t get hit quite as hard given that he wasn’t defying an umpire’s authority, but even if he does have to pay a fine, he’ll likely do so willingly.