Barry Bonds to present Andrew McCutchen with his MVP Award on Opening Day

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This is . . . beautiful:

It’s a little known fact, but Bonds presenting McCutchen with his MVP award is mandated by the Sportswriter Outrage Conservation Act of 2007. By doing this now, mere weeks after Bonds’ appearance at Giants camp, there will be at least a 54% savings in our sportswriter outrage resources, given that the previous outrage is still extant in the system and the large outrage-generating turbines housed in various underground bunkers around the United States will not have to be spun up from zero.

Smart move, Pirates. Thanks for thinking globally but acting locally.