Life of a minor leaguer: “drugs, booze and cheap motels”

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That’s how Australia’s news.com.au describes life for baseball’s minor leaguers to its readers who are, presumably, not terribly familiar with baseball. Thing is, they cite the “drugs, booze and cheap motels” in an effort to paint the life of minor leaguers as a bad thing. Hell, compared to the fact that they’re not paid a living wage and are treated like heads of cattle, the drugs, booze and cheap motels are the best part!

But really, the story isn’t wrong. It’s just kinda funny to read about things we think of as common described by outsiders. Especially when they use phrases like “as foreign as a Frenchman,” which I am TOTALLY gonna steal from this guy and use again sometime soon.

Anyway, prepare yourself for the worst

Booze

Baseball players drink, partly because they don’t always need to be the most athletic specimens in the world of pro sports, but also to pass the time. These guys play up to 160 Games in a season in the Majors or 140 games at minor league level. That’s six games a week for six months. Each night, win or lose, their adrenalin is pumping. A beer or two or seven or eight helps.

No team spirit

Baseball, like cricket, is a team sport that is largely about the sum of individual performances rather than a bunch of guys working together as in the football codes. But it’s off the field that you really feel that lack of spirit, especially at minor league level. Guys in the minors would trample their best mate to get a promotion to the Majors.

Most players in a minor league club barely know each other’s names, let alone hang out together. There are exceptions, but for the most part it is a lonely, selfish mini-universe where the ethos of “one for all, all for one” is as foreign as a Frenchman.

This, right here, is the sport’s secret shame.

Cheap soulless hotels

All those games means a whole bunch of road trips. And road trips mean seedy hotels. At minor league level, a Holiday Inn is like the Hilton. More likely you’ll end up staying in some three star dump on a highway between Crapsville Illinois and Dumpsburg, Arkansas.

I am tired of seeing Crapsville, Illinois dumped on like this. Sure, it was a pretty bad scene in Crapsville 10-15 years ago, but since then they opened up Crapsville Brewery, which makes a great IPA and they turned the old Crapsville Metalworks factory into loft apartments. Really, Crapsville is now like the Brooklyn of the greater Armpit City, Illinois metro area.

Dumpsburg, Arkansas is awful, though. Just a wretched place.

Randy Johnson IS Nuke LaLoosh in the Dbacks’ remake of “Bull Durham”

Arizona Diamondbacks
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Over the weekend the Arizona Diamondbacks unveiled their 20th Anniversary Team, as voted on by Dbacks fans. Among the quite obvious inclusions were Randy Johnson, Luis Gonzalez and Paul Goldschmidt. Others included Miguel Montero at catcher, Jay Bell at second Tony Womack at short, Matt Williams at third and Steve Finley and A.J. Pollock in the outfield. The rest of the team — there’s a full rotation, relievers and backups too — can be found here. There will be a ceremony at Chase Field in honor of the franchise’s 20th anniversary, with the all-time Dbacks team being introduced.

In the runup to that, however, there is time for some fun promotion. Like the video below in with some of the members of the 20th anniversary team reenacting the mound meeting scene from “Bull Durham.”

Miguel Montero carries it — he’s the only one who seems to have acting chops in the scene — but team CEO Derrick Hall is the MVP for his camcorder wave in my view. Oh, and extra credit to Bob Brenly and Luis Gonzalez for wearing the 2001 uniforms: