Great. I got traded to the Phillies. Even though I was in the Best Shape of My Life.

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Schroeder: What do you mean Craig Calcaterra wasn’t so great? 

Lucy: He never got his picture on bubblegum cards, did he? Have you ever seen his picture on a bubblegum card? Hmmm? How can you say someone is great who’s never had his picture on bubblegum cards? 

Schroeder: Good grief. 

Take that, Lucy:

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This awesomeness comes from my friend and longtime HBT (and ShysterBall) reader Levi Stahl and his wife Stacey Shintani. They are throwing an Opening Day party on March 22 and made these things up as invitations. Stacey, my sources tell me, did the design and photo work while Levi was responsible for the somewhat offensive editorial content on the back of the card. Also: there was a stick of gum in the pack. UPDATE: I wasn’t aware of this when I first posted, but I believe the cards were made with the totally awesome Rookies App, which I can’t imagine not having before now.

And it’s also worth noting that Levi’s reference to Operation Shutdown on the back is apropos. If I got traded to the Phillies, it’d definitely be time for Operation Shutdown. I do NOT compete with Cody Asche for playing time, Jack. Especially if it means playing in freakin’ Philly.

Astros release Jon Singleton

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The Astros have released first baseman Jon Singleton, Chandler Rome of the Houston Chronicle reports.

Singleton, 26, was suspended for 100 games after testing positive for a drug of abuse for a third time. He has had issues with marijuana in the post and admitted to being a drug addict several years ago. He said, “At this point it’s pretty evident to me that I’m a drug addict. I don’t openly tell everyone that, but it’s pretty apparent to myself. I know that I enjoy smoking weed, I enjoy being high and I can’t block that out of my mind that I enjoy that. So I have to work against that.”

Singleton played parts of two seasons in the majors in 2014-15 with the Astros, batting a combined .171/.290/.331 with 14 home runs and 50 RBI in — appropriately — 420 plate appearances. He spent 2016 with Triple-A Fresno and 2017 with Double-A Corpus Christi, putting up middling numbers.

If he can convince teams he’s still actively working to overcome his addiction, Singleton may be able to find an opportunity elsewhere. But his road back to the majors remains long. He was once a top prospect in the Phillies’ system, then was traded to the Astros in the Hunter Pence deal back in July 2011.