Yo dawg, I heard you liked to compensate, so we gave you a big giant truck with two levels of running boards and a big neon sign that says “I’m compensating for something” on the side. Except the sign is on back order and won’t be in until next week!
I’m not reflexively anti-truck or SUV. They have their uses. People who have to haul things or drive through snow or rough terrain. People with big families. Heck, I understand even if it’s just a matter of you wanting to sit up high and feel like a big guy once in a while. It’s bad for gas, but there are way worse offenses against humanity than that. Live and let live.
But seriously, what kind of a person other than a total jackwagon drives a truck like this? The guy works in Florida, hauls a bag with a mitt in it at most and probably drives there by himself. Go get something more modest, Grant. Like an EM-50 Urban Assault Vehicle.
Despite the earlier rain, the All-Star Game got underway on time and following the usual pregame festivities Max Scherzer took the hill to face the American League.
Scherzer did great in the first inning, striking out Mookie Betts and Jose Altuve and then, following a walk to Mike Trout and giving up a single to J.D. Matinez, retired Jose Ramirez on a weak popup. Scherzer was cooing with gas: the reigning Cy Young winner had not thrown a pitch as fast as 98 m.p.h. all season, but he threw three of those during his scoreless first.
Chris Sale‘s work in the bottom half was more about nasty stuff than mere heat. Following a leadoff single allowed to Javier Baez he got Nolan Arenado to fly out to left, struck out Paul Goldschmidt on a nasty slider and then got Freddie Freeman out via a fly to left.
Aaron Judge led off the second. The same Aaron Judge someone wrote today could be trade bait if the Yankees felt so inclined. Which, um, OK, that was dumb anyway, but it looked even dumber when Judge muscled Scherzer’s second pitch — a letter-high fastball — out to left field with many, many feet to spare for a homer.
Scherzer got the rest of the A.L. side, but the damage had been done. The American League leads 1-0 after an inning and a half.