Quiet Riot: Ryan Theriot retires

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He didn’t play in 2013, but it wasn’t for lack of interest on his part. Now he’s done, though: Chris Cotillo of MLB Daily Dish reports that Ryan Theriot is officially retired.

Theriot ends his career with a line of .281/.341/.350 and 17 homers across eight big league seasons with four teams, mostly the Cubs. He may be best remembered among smarty-pants internet people as the inspiration for TOOTBLAN.  And while Cooperstown is not in the offing, he is a shoe-in candidate for the Hall of Guys Who We Remember Playing Some Infield at Some Point Back in the Oughts.

He should probably be inducted alongside Mike Fontenot, who will become eligible for the honor at the same time.

Bryce Harper is on paternity leave

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Several years ago, Bryce Harper made news when it was revealed that he thought the word “meme” was pronounced “may-may.” That may be my favorite Bryce Harper moment ever.

As it was announced by the Phillies a little while ago that Harper has been placed on paternity leave, I’m wondering if he pronounces the word “baby” “bébé.”

I wouldn’t think less of him if he did, actually. One of my favorite people in the world does that.

Anyway, congratulations to Bryce Harper on becoming a dad. And it’s good news not just for him but for the Phillies and their fans as well. Why? Because as Bill noted earlier this week, Harper seems to hit better when he’s being taunted and mocked. For now that’s not very important, as the child won’t be talking for some time. As a father of teenagers, I can tell you that eventually the little monsters live to disrespect their dear old dads. If Harper’s current motivational patterns hold, by the time that kid is ten Harper will be winning the dang Triple Crown every year.

But again, congratulations to the Harpers.