We could’ve had a movie called “Go to Hell, Mike Piazza”

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Ben Stiller is kinda vexing. Sometimes he’s pretty great (see, “The Ben Stiller Show,” “Zero Effect,” “Royal Tenenbaums”) sometimes he’s pretty insufferable (see, “Most Everything Else He’s Done”).  I can’t decide how this one woulda played out on that continuum, but I think I would’ve at least gone and seen it.

The movie: a script from the early 2000s in which Stiller played a character with a longstanding personal vendetta against Mike Piazza. Who would’ve played himself in the movie:

The draft of the script I have opens on superstar catcher Mike Piazza playing a game for the New York Mets in 1998 when a naked guy runs onto the field. With the words “Piazza sucks” painted across his chest and “Piazza can kiss my ass” on his back (with an arrow downward, of course), the naked guy screams at Piazza as he kicks dirt at him and avoids security while the crowd cheers him on. We freeze frame and hear a voiceover: “Wait, maybe I should start from the beginning…”

An entire plot summary is at the link. Complete with Tommy Lasorda cameo.

Obviously Piazza and Stiller are now too old to do this — it requires a current major leaguer — but I sorta feel like this one can and should be done with someone else.

Bryce Harper: call your agent.

Phillies walk off winners thanks to a poor decision by Marcell Ozuna

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The Phillies’ bullpen, which has not been good as of late, gift-wrapped Monday’s game for the Cardinals. Starter Nick Pivetta was brilliant, fanning 13 while allowing two runs in 7 1/3 innings. But things unraveled after he left the game. Victor Arano took over for Edubray Ramos to start the ninth inning with the Phillies leading 4-2, but he allowed a one-out single and a double. After striking out Harrison Bader, Arano appeared to strike out Yairo Munoz for the final out of the game, but the ball trickled through the legs of catcher Andrew Knapp, allowing a run to score and the tying run to move to third base. Lefty Adam Morgan came in to face pinch-hitter Kolten Wong. Wong tied the game up, sneaking a single into center field.

In the 10th inning, Jake Thompson gave up the go-ahead run on a leadoff home run to Tommy Pham. It seemed like it was just going to be another one of those losses that have become increasingly common for the Phillies lately. But the Phillies’ offense didn’t go down quietly, even though it hadn’t put a runner on second base since the start of the second inning when J.P. Crawford doubled. In the bottom half of the 10th, Hoskins blooped a single into shallow left-center to start the inning. Hoskins moved to second base on a ground out from Odubel Herrera. Matt Bowman intentionally walked Carlos Santana, then struck out Jesmuel Valentin. That brought up Aaron Altherr, who replaced Nick Williams after Williams took a baseball to the face off of the right field fence. Bowman fell behind 2-1, then threw a 90 MPH fastball that Altherr lined into left field. Rather than keep the ball in front of him, Marcell Ozuna decided to dive for the ball to make the final out, but he missed. The ball trickled past him, allowing the tying and the game-winning runs to score, giving the Phillies a come-from-behind win.

On the list of people happy to see Ozuna miss that ball are Altherr (of course), Arano, Morgan, and Thompson. But perhaps no one was happier than manager Gape Kapler. The win might help take the heat off of him somewhat after another poor performance from the bullpen. When a team struggles, everyone wants a scapegoat and Kapler is an easy target. He has been all year, undeservingly.

Phillies radio broadcaster and former major league reliever Larry Anderson said after the bullpen meltown, “Not everybody can pitch in the ninth inning. And I know Gabe Kapler thinks they can, but they can’t.” Aside from Ramos and Seranthony Dominguez (who was unavailable after throwing 52 pitches between Saturday and Sunday in Milwaukee), no one in that bullpen has been reliable. The closer, Hector Neris, just got optioned to Triple-A. You work with what you have, and right now, Kapler doesn’t have a whole lot. Thankfully for him, he wasn’t punished with another loss thanks to Ozuna.