This is somewhat less serious than an investigation from the Department of Labor. But it is scary all the same! A letter from the American Mustache Institute to the General Counsel of the Boston Red Sox:
We at the American Mustache Institute (AMI) applaud you and the Boston Red Sox for your extraordinary success in this 2013 Major League Baseball Season and wish you the best against the St. Louis Cardinals in what all of America hopes will be a competitive World Series matchup.
However, while each member of the Mustached American community appreciates your team’s harnessing of facial hair towards athletic excellence, your marketing of beardism violates the expressed federal trademark of AMI’s ownership of the Sexually Dynamic Mustached American Lifestyle, and in particular, our legal right to approve via “expressed written consent” of any use of said beardism or mustacheularity in marketing the Red Sox’s winning ways or merchandise.
It’s an open and shut case, frankly. They’re probably seeking an injunction to force-shave the Sox before tomorrow night’s game as we speak.
Pirates right-hander Joe Musgrove is done for the year after suffering an abdominal wall muscle strain and stress reaction in his pelvic bone. While he isn’t expected to undergo surgery or miss additional time in 2019, he’s been prescribed six weeks of rest before resuming any baseball-related activities.
Musgrove, 25, finished out his third year in Pittsburgh with a 6-9 record in 19 starts, backed by a 4.06 ERA, 1.8 BB/9, and 7.8 SO/9. Despite logging a career-high 115 1/3 innings at the major league level, he’s also been dogged by a string of injuries, from the shoulder strain that robbed him of eight weeks at the start of the season to an index finger infection that kept him sidelined for a minimum 10-day stay on the disabled list in June.
While he works his way back up to full strength yet again, rookie right-hander Nick Kingham is expected to cover for him and will make a spot start during the Pirates’ series finale against the Brewers on Sunday. The 26-year-old righty hasn’t started a single game for the team since August 1, and currently carries a 4.69 ERA, 2.7 BB/9, and 8.1 SO/9 over 71 innings out of the rotation and bullpen.