Parodying anti-Yasiel Puig hysteria is impossible

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One of these takes on Yasiel Puig is from a legitimately outraged columnist. The other is a parody of an outraged columnist. Don’t hover over or click the links until you’ve guessed which is which.

First one:

Call me old-school and old-fashioned. Call me too conservative. Tell me to “get with the times.” Whatever. The bottom line is that you don’t show up the opposing pitcher and you don’t “pimp out” a home run. It’s disrespectful and it’s a bad look, and anybody who has ever played the game at a high level knows that those “unwritten rules” we hear so much about actually have merit and are worth something … Just stop with the excuses, people. He lived in Cuba all of his life and is just having fun playing in America! That’s my favorite excuse. The last I checked, he can still have plenty of fun, be a celebrity, play baseball for millions of dollars and be loved by the masses without playing like a fool.

vs. the second one:

The Dodgers have been doing Mickey Mouse stuff all year long. They admit it, too. As Gonzalez explained his behavior, “I did what I always do, but we are in L.A., so Mickey Mouse is only an hour away.”

I know there’s no cheering in the press box. But can we make an exception for booing?

Remember: It was just a few short weeks ago the Dodgers made fools of themselves parading through Arizona’s swimming pool to celebrate their playoff berth.

It made everyone look bad.

It was lewd. It was crude.

It was everything the Los Angeles Dodgers have stood for all year long … This team may have the most expensive roster in the league and all kinds of money to spare, but it can’t buy baseball’s respect. It can’t buy my silence, either.

No one has to be a Yasiel Puig fan. But the degree to which some are offended by him is laughable in the extreme.

Pitch clock cut minor league games by 25 minutes to 2:38

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NEW YORK — Use of pitch clocks cut the average time of minor league games by 25 minutes this year, a reduction Major League Baseball hopes is replicated when the devices are installed in the big leagues next season.

The average time of minor league games dropped to 2 hours, 38 minutes in the season that ended Wednesday, according to the commissioner’s office. That was down from 3:03 during the 2021 season.

Clocks at Triple-A were set at 14 seconds with no runners on base and 19 with runners. At lower levels, the clocks were at 18 seconds with runners.

Big league nine-inning games are averaging 3:04 this season.

MLB announced on Sept. 9 that clocks will be introduced in the major leagues next year at 15 seconds with no runners and 20 seconds with runners, a decision opposed by the players’ association.

Pitchers are penalized a ball for violating the clock. In the minors, violations decreased from an average of 1.73 per game in the second week to 0.41 in week 24.

There will be a limit of two pickoff attempts or stepoffs per plate appearance, a rule that also was part of the minor league experiment this season. A third pickoff throw that is not successful would result in a balk.

Stolen bases increased to an average of 2.81 per game from 2.23 in the minors this year and the success rate rose to 78% from 68%.

Many offensive measurements were relatively stable: runs per team per game increased to 5.13 from 5.11 and batting average to .249 from .247.

Plate appearances resulting in home runs dropped to 2.7% from 2.8%, strikeouts declined to 24.4% from 25.4% and walks rose to 10.5% from 10.2%. Hit batters remained at 1.6%.