A Lehigh Valley IronPigs fan will win an all-expenses paid funeral

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In what is being described as the most valuable fan giveaway in team history, the Lehigh Valley IronPigs are going to give one lucky fan an all-expenses-paid funeral at their August 20th game. What you get, courtesy of the the IronPigs and a local funeral home:

  • A casket.
  • Professional services of funeral director and staff.
  • Body removal and preparation (embalming or cremation).
  • Use of facilities and services for viewing (visitation/wake), funeral ceremony, Memorial Service and graveside services.
  • Vehicle to transfer remains to Funeral Home along with Hearse for cemetery transfer.

A memorial company will provide a complimentary headstone and a florist will offer “a casket spray” of flowers, which is an odd way of putting that, but since I have never planned a funeral I guess that’s my problem.  The total value of all of that is said to be $10,000.

How do you win: essay contest! You submit an essay of 200 words or less that describes your “ideal funeral and why you feel you will, eventually, be deserving of the free funeral.” All essays must be received by July 31, 2013 — details at the linked release — and you have to be at the August 20th game to win.

My entry:

Dear IronPigs,

I feel like I deserve the funeral because it is long overdue. I have been dead since October 2011 and my corpse has been rotting in front of everyone for the past two years. It’s really embarrassing. Please allow my mortal remains to finally find a place of rest, preferably at the expense of the an affiliate of the Phillies organization for that is something to which I have become accustomed.

Regards,

Ryan Howard

Kolten Wong exits game with elbow contusion

Kolten Wong
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Cardinals second baseman Kolten Wong was pulled from Saturday’s game against the Brewers after sustaining a right elbow contusion, according to a team announcement. The full extent of the injury has not been revealed, nor is it clear when Wong might return to the lineup, though he’s presumed to be day-to-day for the time being.

Wong suffered the injury in the third inning. He reached base on a line drive single to right field, his first of the evening, and was accidentally struck on the elbow when Wade Miley made an errant throw to Jesus Aguilar on a pickoff attempt. The 27-year-old second baseman has already seen his season shortened by injuries after sustaining a right thigh contusion and, more recently, dealing with a bout of chronic inflammation in his left knee. He entered Saturday’s contest batting .238/.323/.388 on the year with eight home runs, and a .711 OPS through 330 PA.

Following the incident, Wong was replaced on the field by Greg Garcia at the top of the fourth inning. The Cardinals currently lead the Brewers 4-1 in the bottom of the sixth.