Bryce Harper vs. Jesus

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The media, particularly the Washington media, has spent several years now trafficking in some pretty major Bryce Harper hype. To his credit, Harper has lived up to that hype. More than lived up to it, in my view, to the point where the hype isn’t all that crazy.

So what to do you now if you’re a D.C. media type? You parody the hype as a means of telling everyone to not get too ahead of themselves in the Bryce Harper hype:

Harper at 20 vs. Jesus at 20: We’re talking “of Nazareth” here, not “Ivan de.” This was the toughest head-to-head matchup, but Bam-Bam wins again. Although he was purported to do some very good work as the Son of Man after 29, the New Testament has no record of Jesus between 12 and 30, often referred to by biblical scholars as “the silent years.” It’s assumed he was working as a Galilee carpenter for 18 years, but because there is no historical record, we can’t really say either way.

The only thing we do know is he didn’t crush two home runs on his first opening day, did he? One is considered the Messiah by many; the other saved baseball in Washington.

Or, I suppose, we could just watch and enjoy this guy’s game rather than decide whether he is overrated, underrated or properly rated. But that would leave a lot of columnists without things to do.

Tyler Glasnow scheduled to rejoin Rays’ rotation

Jonathan Dyer-USA TODAY Sports
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ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. — Tampa Bay Rays right-hander Tyler Glasnow is scheduled to rejoin the rotation at Cleveland after missing nearly 14 months because of Tommy John surgery.

The Rays’ Opening Day starter last year hasn’t pitched this season after undergoing the procedure on Aug. 4, 2021.

“I think we’re pretty confident he’ll be starting for us,” Tampa Bay manager Kevin Cash said before the game with Toronto. “This is the first time he’s thrown pain-free in quite some time, so he’s encouraged by it.”

The 6-foot-8 right-hander went 5-2 with a 2.66 ERA in 14 starts last year and is a key addition as the Rays near a wild-card spot.

“Compared to the past, like, three years it feels way better as far as postday and the week leading into starts and stuff,” Glasnow said. “It’s good to have an UCL, you know.”

Cash said Glasnow will throw around 45 pitches in his initial outing, which should allow him to go two or three innings.

“Two innings of Glasnow is still a huge plus for our team,” Cash said. “Like to get three innings. If we do, great. If we don’t, that’s fine, too.”

Glasnow allowed one run, one hit, four walks and had 14 strikeouts over seven innings in four starts with Triple-A Durham.

“I’m really excited,” Glasnow said. “I’m approaching it like normal, staying on routine. Feels normal.”

Glasnow signed a two-year, $30.35 million contract that will delay the start of his free agency by one year last month. He’s making $5.1 million this year and will get $5.35 million next season and $25 million in 2024, which is the first year he would have been eligible for free agency.