Wanna buy Tino Martinez’s house?

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The latest baseball residence on the market: former Yankees first baseman Tino Martinez, whose Tampa house is described thusly:

Built in 1952, the trophy home flexes some serious muscle from the get-go with a two-story foyer. From there, it’s a parade of luxury befitting a world champ; a sprawling master suite, flush in Venetian plaster, boasts cathedral ceilings and private terrace overlooking the bay, while other forms of opulence range from a wood-paneled home theater to a fully loaded home gym to a wine cellar and tasting room. However, where Tino clearly hits one out of the park is in the backyard, where the legendary Bronx Bomber has a basketball court, putting green, infinity pool and an outdoor kitchen looking out over the waterfront.

I suppose the bones are nice enough, but man it’s pretty ugly inside. Most ballplayers’ houses look like that. Kind of like it was a model home or something. I just don’t get it. It’s like they spent their whole careers in hotel lobbies so they decided to decorate their houses like them too.

But still: it’s right near Jeter’s house. Seriously. I’m sure that has its good points.