Major League Baseball asks the Miami New Times for its Biogenesis records

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A little over a week ago 33% of the words in the headline would make so sense to any of us. Anyway:

Major League Baseball officials have asked the Miami News Times for records the alternative newspaper obtained for a story on alleged use of banned substances by several players. Miami New Times editor Chuck Strouse said Tuesday the paper had not yet decided how to respond. Strouse described the MLB move as a request and noted that the league does not have legal subpoena power.

Bud: Wait, we don’t have any subpoena power? Manfred! Torre! Get in here!

Rob Manfred and Joe Torre: [in unison] Yes boss?

Bud: This fella from the newspaper said I don’t have subpoena power. How is that possible?

Manfred: Because you’re not the government, sir.

Bud: I have control of a monopoly, do I not?

Torre: Yes sir.

Bud: And I have had federal agents do my bidding in the past, have I not?

Manfred: Yes sir.

Bud: Then get me one of those subpoena things and let’s get cracking, OK? [presses button on desk, pneumatic tube descends upon him, he is sucked into another room, possibly for lunch]

Manfred: [sigh]. Joe, get George Mitchell over here. Tell him to wear his governmenty suit.

Marlins, Giants get into heated beanball war

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You may have heard that Giants closer Hunter Strickland broke his hand punching a door in frustration after Monday night’s subpar performance. He’ll miss six to eight weeks as a result. Strickland came in to protect a 4-2 lead but ended up giving up three runs. The tying run was knocked in by Lewis Brinson on a single to right field. Brinson moved to third base on a go-ahead single by Miguel Rojas, which prompted manager Bruce Bochy to take Strickland out of the game.

On his way to the dugout, Strickland started chirping at Brinson. Much like Bryce Harper and Strickland, Brinson and Strickland have a bit of a history. Last Thursday, Brinson handed Strickland a blown save with a sacrifice fly to deep center field. Brinson was happy to help his team tie the game, pumping his fast and saying, “Let’s go” at no one in particular. That rubbed Strickland the wrong way. Everything seems to rub Strickland the wrong way.

During Tuesday night’s game, Giants starter Dereck Rodriguez threw at Brinson with the first pitch, a 92 MPH fastball. Home plate umpire Andy Fletcher issued warnings to both benches. Manager Don Mattingly came out to argue, suggesting that his team hadn’t done anything wrong so it was unfair to essentially take the inside part of the plate away from his pitchers. On his way back to the dugout, Mattingly could be seen saying, “You’re next” to catcher Buster Posey.

The Giants scored twice in the bottom of the second against Dan Straily to extend their lead to 3-0. Posey came to the plate with a runner on first base and one out. Straily hit Posey with a 91 MPH fastball on the first pitch, prompting ejections of both Straily and Mattingly. Posey was hit on the arm. If the pitch had come in a bit lower and hit Posey on the wrist or hand, Posey might have had to go on the disabled list for a couple months. Or if the pitch had hit Posey a couple of inches higher, in the head, then who knows what would have happened.

Things calmed down from there, thankfully. The two clubs have one more game against each other in San Francisco on Wednesday and that will be the final time they meet this season. If anything further is going to happen — and hopefully, nothing happens — then it will come tomorrow.

Straily will almost certainly be facing a suspension and a fine, as will Mattingly. It’s less clear if Rodriguez and/or Bochy will be reprimanded for throwing at Brinson, even though it was fairly obvious the pitch was intentional. Regardless, the punishments amount to just one missed start for the pitchers, which isn’t nearly enough of a detriment to deter beanball wars.