To: THE INTERNET
From: Agent Calcaterra
Re: Agent Neyer
Gentlemen: it has come to my attention that Agent Neyer has publicly doubted the efficacy of THE INTERNET to sway the Hall of Fame voting in favor of our chosen candidates. Apparently he was sleeping when THE INTERNET single handedly took control of the Hall of Fame vote from established baseball writers a few years ago and placed Bert Blyleven in the Hall against the will of THE OLD GUARD.
Whatever the case, this is obviously problematic. If Agent Neyer doubts the efficacy of THE INTERNET to control the process, THE GRAND CONSPIRACY will be imperiled. And you know what that means: Jack Cust will never make it into the Hall of Fame and Hank Aaron will never be removed, which I don’t have to tell you has long been our plan.
All agents are hearby ordered to purge references to Agent Neyer from their computers. When finished, you are to await further instructions from Agents Jaffe and Sheehan.
Jon Heyman has been hot on the free agent trail today, reporting that the Padres have made offers both Manny Machado and Bryce Harper. The offer to Machado is believed to be for eight years and about $250 million, while the offer to Harper is believed to be for more than that.
Heyman was reporting on Harper earlier, tweeting that the Phillies are the favorite to sign him. He added this evening that Harper has multiple long-term offers at more than $30 million annually. Regarding Machado, Heyman noted that while Machado was believed to have had a preference for the East coast, he will go for the best deal now, which puts the Padres firmly in the picture.
The Padres reportedly met with Machado last week. A late entrant into the sweepstakes, the club has shown the willingness to spend, signing Eric Hosmer to an eight-year, $144 million contract last year. If he goes to San Diego, Machado would be the full-time third baseman with Luis Urias handling shortstop.
Nothing appears close, but we’ll take anything resembling a spark to light the hot stove.