Derek Jeter was in the bathroom when Russell Martin hit the go-ahead homer. Does this mean anything?

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Jeff Passan reports that Derek Jeter was not around to see Russell Martin go deep in the ninth inning of last night’s game. Why?

“I was in the bathroom,” Jeter said.

Hey, you gotta go, you gotta go.  Passan, however, takes a larger lesson away from all of this:

Because he has been here before, and because he might be the coolest human being in the world, Derek Jeter tends not to approach playoff games that are tied in the ninth inning with the white-knuckle anxiety of an average person … Hold the old prostate jokes and think about what that says: the trust, the conviction, the swagger – that these Orioles, who had pushed the Yankees all season long and were again doing it in Game 1 of the best-of-five series, did not warrant his full attention in the ninth inning of a tied playoff game.

Or — and maybe I’m just pissin’ in the wind here myself — he really had to go, he just got off the field from the bottom of the eighth, if he waited any longer that half inning it would be his turn to bat, and if he waited beyond that he would have had to go out to the field to play short in the bottom of the inning.

Occam’s Razor, folks. If a guy is going potty, it may have more to do with his bladder than it has to do with swagger, Mystique, Aura and all of that jazz.

Video: Matt Carpenter makes history with three home runs, two doubles

St Louis Cardinals v Chicago Cubs
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Matt Carpenter pulled his weight and then some during the Cardinals’ 18-5 win on Friday, becoming just the second player in MLB history to tally three home runs and two doubles in the same game… and the first-ever to do so in the first six innings of a single game.

Carpenter wasted little time getting the Cardinals on the board, first drawing a full count against Cubs lefty Jon Lester, then ricocheting a 92.4-MPH fastball off the scoreboard in right field for a leadoff home run. He returned in the second inning for another two-run shot and capped a seven-run spread in the fifth with an RBI double (his first double of the game was a leadoff hit in the fourth) before polishing off his performance with a third, three-run homer in the sixth.

Following Friday’s explosive five-run, seven-RBI performance, Carpenter is now batting .274/.381/.576 on the year with 23 home runs, 30 doubles and a .957 OPS in 388 PA. The last player to record five extra-base hits in one game was the Cubs’ Kris Bryant, who collected four runs and six RBI for the team back in June 2016. As MLB.com’s Jenifer Langosch pointed out, Carpenter might have set another franchise record for most home runs in a game had interim manager Mike Shildt not removed him from the game in the bottom of the sixth. The record is still held by former club outfielder Mark Whiten, who collected four home runs (and a staggering 12 RBI) against the Reds in September 1993.