Wishing for vuvuzelas

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Or ThunderStix. Or whistles. Or any of the many, many things that aren’t as offensive as this:

The Braves plan to have 45,000 foam tomahawks chopping in unison when they face St. Louis on Friday at 5:07 p.m. in the National League Wild Card game … The first 45,000 ticket-holders through the gates will get a free foam tomahawk.

I love and will root for my team, but I will never understand how they think it’s cool to encourage 1940s-western movie war whooping and tomahawk chopping and all of that in the 21st freaking century. I get that it started kinda spontaneously and out of excitement some 21 years ago, but there is no escaping that this is offensive and I wish they’d cut it out.

Todd Helton cited for DUI following a crash

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Former All-Star first baseman Todd Helton has been charged with driving under the influence after a single-car accident in Knoxville, Tennessee.

According to the sheriff’s report, Helton’s car struck a telephone pole just before 6PM on March 18. He was not seriously injured, but was taken to the hospital for observation. Helton told deputies that he had taken an Ambien a few hours earlier. There was a cup in Helton’s car that “had the odor of an alcoholic beverage.”

Helton’s lawyer says that Helton has entered a treatment program. This was his second DUI arrest in the past six years. He was arrested in Colorado in 2013 while on the disabled list during his final season playing for the Colorado Rockies. He retired that year.

Helton, a five-time All-Star, played for the Rockies from 1997 through 2013, winning three Gold Gloves and collecting 2,519 hits and 369 homers. In 2000 he led the league in batting average, on-base percentage, slugging percentage, RBI, doubles, total bases and hits.