Great Moments in Ballpark Bathroom Sex, Part II

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Yes, this is “Part II.”  For long time readers will remember that this feature was first created in April 2010 thanks to a couple of amorous and totally classy people at U.S. Cellular Field in Chicago.

In our latest installment, we look to Deadspin, who noted that Russell Martin and Ben Zobrist weren’t the only guys hitting home runs at Yankee Stadium yesterday:

It was about the 2nd through the 4th or 5th inning. Left field bleachers outside section 236 or 237. Initially the bathroom was empty, but soon I noticed 2 sets of legs in a stall … Seems impossible to me, but the couple appeared to be oblivious to the surrounding crowd …

I link to the main Deadspin page only because the specific post has more pasty white guy butt than I feel comfortable directly linking. You’ll have to click through to the pics/video if you so desire. And you really should not desire such a thing. Yeah, I looked at it because it’s my job to find the unseemly out there and bring it to you, but you are under no obligation to view it. It’s not really all that explicit as these things go, but the whole setup is rather gross and kinda depressing.

In any event, I’m just thankful that they finished before “God Bless America,” or else then security would have actually bothered to care.

Phillies to induct Bobby Abreu to Wall of Fame

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The Phillies announced on Wednesday that former outfielder Bobby Abreu will be inducted into the team’s Wall of Fame this summer. The ceremony will take place on Saturday, August 3 as part of the club’s alumni weekend festivities.

Abreu, 45, went to the Phillies in a November 18, 1997 trade with the then-Devil Rays that sent shortstop Kevin Stocker to Tampa. Abreu somehow only made two All-Star teams while in Philly. Overall, he hit .303/.416/.513 with 195 homers, 814 RBI, 891 runs scored, and 254 stolen bases in 1,353 games with the Phillies. Abreu ranks sixth all-time among Phillies in career Wins Above Replacement (47.2), fourth in on-base percentage (.416), seventh in slugging percentage (.513), second in OPS (.928), 10th in runs scored (891), fourth in doubles (348), second in walks (947), and seventh in stolen bases.

Perhaps Abreu’s most noteworthy accomplishment as a Phillie was winning the 2005 Home Run Derby at Comerica Park in Detroit. Abreu hit 24 home runs in the first round and finished with 41 total, both records at the time. That is his most noteworthy accomplishment as, through no fault of his own, the Phillies never made playoffs during his tenure from 1998-06.

Abreu’s tenure came to an end on July 30, 2006, when the club packaged him with pitcher Cory Lidle and sent them to the Yankees in exchange for Matt Smith, Carlos Monasterios, C.J. Henry, and Jesús Sánchez. Obviously, not a trade that worked out well for the Phillies. Abreu played through his age-40 season, spending time with the Angels, Dodgers, and Mets along with the Yankees. He retired with 60 career WAR, per baseball Reference, as well as a .291/.395/.475 batting line, 288 home runs, 1,363 RBI, 1,453 runs scored, and 400 stolen bases.

Phillies fans have always criminally underrated Abreu. He was viewed as lazy and uncaring, in part due to racism and in part due to a perceived aversion to outfield walls. Abreu’s induction into the Phillies’ Wall of Fame is a long time coming, but it will also likely spur a lot of debate on sports talk radio in the months leading up to it.