Must-Click Link: The Epic Story of Johnny Damon’s Attempt to Throw a Ball to Home Plate

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If you’re one of those people who like to post comments after non-newsy articles saying “slow news day, huh?” you’ll just want to move along and not read this.

If, however, you are into epic tales of weak-armed outfielders like Johnny Damon, vainly attempting to throw runners out at home plate, this bit of genius from Jon Bois might be up your alley. I’ll give you only the conclusion. The corpus of the stories has to be read in its entirety:

And that is the story of every Johnny Damon throw from the outfield. It’s sure to involve bears, goblins, civil uprisings, spacecraft, underwater observatories, love, hate, revenge, sword fights atop city skyscrapers, fear, hope, and ultimately, dread.

In other words, everything can and will happen. Except for actually throwing the runner out.

And every fan of every team knows of one outfielder who could easily be substituted into that story. Mostly Johnny Damon, but there are some other guys too.

Royals sign Drew Storen to minor league deal

Drew Storen
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The Royals are in agreement with right-handed reliever Drew Storen on a minor league deal, the team announced Friday. Per Jon Heyman of MLB Network, the deal is worth $1.25 million if the veteran righty breaks camp with the club this spring. Additional, albeit unspecified incentives will be included in the contract as well.

Storen, 31, is coming off of a protracted absence from any MLB duties. After inking a one-year deal with the Reds in 2017, he sustained a right elbow sprain toward the end of the year and underwent Tommy John surgery that October. He was effectively decommissioned for the club’s entire 2018 run and generated little interest around the league this winter, perhaps due in part to the uninspired 4.45 ERA, 3.8 BB/9, 7.9 SO/9, and career-low -0.2 fWAR he posted across 54 2/3 innings during his last healthy season.

While it’s not immediately clear what kind of performance the Royals can expect from Storen in spring training, they’re not exactly in a position to be choosy. Their bullpen ranked dead last among all MLB teams with a collective 5.04 ERA, 4.85 FIP, and -2.2 fWAR last year, and still appears to be in a state of flux as they approach Opening Day. Skipper Ned Yost told reporters Wednesday that he intends to eschew the traditional closer appointment in 2019 and will instead utilize a combination of right-handers Wily Peralta and Brad Boxberger, lefty Tim Hill, and various others as he tackles high-leverage situations in the future.