Ben Sheets admits he’s a zombie

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After a series of injuries and surgeries that made everyone this side of Rich Harden say “damn!” Ben Sheets has been pretty effective since his comeback with the Braves began.  But he did get beat up on Sunday, and it was suggested that perhaps he had dead arm.

Dave O’Brien of the AJC reports, however, that it’s a far greater problem:

But Sheets said Tuesday he would characterize it more as “dead body” now that he’s six starts into his comeback after two years out of baseball following multiple elbow operations.

“My whole body felt dead,” Sheets said. “I was like ‘Weekend at Bernie’s’ guy. I was like Bernie.”

Except there’s no lovely 1980s-era Catherine Mary Stewart to keep us interested in these proceedings.

Um, I may have said too much there. I’ll be back later. Gonna go watch “Night of the Comet” for the 500th time.

Bryce Harper is pandering hard to Philly fans

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Bryce Harper hadn’t even addressed his new hometown fans before his Phillies jersey started selling like hotcakes. Since then, he’s said all the expected things. Talking about joining the Phillies, he said, “From day one, it felt right … I always talk about family and being a family, being one unit, and I get that from this team. Every guy has your back and vice versa. I’m very excited to go into battle with these guys.”

Harper is continuing to pander hard to Phillies fans. Behold his latest Instagram post:

Has anyone ever really longed to see the Liberty Bell?

Harper also famously recreated that Chase Utley scene from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia with actor Rob McElhenney on Twitter:

In Harper’s next post, he will talk about alternating bottles of You-eng-ling beers with glasses of “wooder.” He’ll add that every so often he will treat himself to a steak sandwich with cheese on it, then go home to watch all of the movies in the Rocky series.