Ozzie Guillen-Bryce Harper feud defused with a gift

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The other day Ozzie Guillen and Bryce Harper got into a pissy little fight over how much pine tar was on Harper’s bat. On Monday, some Nationals’ veterans figured out a good way to defuse it all:

They had the unknowing Harper sign a bat and added a message along with a generous amount of pine tar before sending it to the Marlins’ clubhouse. “It had pine tar all over the place,” Guillen said, laughing. “They put the rest: ‘To my hero, Ozzie. Love you.’ I thought it was funny.”

The peacemakers: Edwin Jackson, who Guillen managed in Chicago, and Adam LaRoche, whose father used to play with Guillen.  I suppose all the fuss is over now.

Which, good. But man, this whole “every Bryce Harper controversy turns into a happy little story in the end” stuff is getting a little old. It’s like Clint Eastwood on his farm at the beginning of “Unforgiven,” saying “I ain’t like that anymore.” Eventually something’s gonna happen that’s gonna make Harper kill someone’s wife, all his friends, and burn his damn house down, right? Figuratively I mean. Because we can’t escape out nature?

Tom Brady’s bid to trademark ‘Tom Terrific’ rejected

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Remember back in June when New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady attempted to trademark “Tom Terrific?” And how everyone laughed at him because anyone who knows the first thing about sports knows that Tom Seaver, not Brady, was the first — and, frankly, only — “Tom Terrific?”

Well, our laughing was validated because his application was rejected by the Patent and Trademark Office because of a “false connection” with Tom Seaver. That’s the report from trademark lawyer Josh Gerben, who analyzes Brady’s failed bid here:

Next up on Great Moments in Hubris, I presume, will be my often ridiculous alma mater. But for now:

Sit down, son.