Jay Gibbons announced his retirement

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After hitting just .204 in 34 games for the Brewers’ Triple-A team this season former big leaguer Jay Gibbons has announced his retirement at age 35.

Gibbons was a fixture in the middle of Baltimore’s lineup from 2001-2007, but the Orioles released him with more than $10 million remaining on his contract when he was named in the “Mitchell Report” and suspended for the beginning of 2008. Gibbons resurfaced with the Dodgers in 2010 and 2011, but saw limited action as a role player.

Gibbons had 25-homer power, but it came along with low batting averages and poor plate discipline. Overall he hit .260 with a .315 on-base percentage and .453 slugging percentage in 840 games, homering 127 times.

Tom Brady’s bid to trademark ‘Tom Terrific’ rejected

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Remember back in June when New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady attempted to trademark “Tom Terrific?” And how everyone laughed at him because anyone who knows the first thing about sports knows that Tom Seaver, not Brady, was the first — and, frankly, only — “Tom Terrific?”

Well, our laughing was validated because his application was rejected by the Patent and Trademark Office because of a “false connection” with Tom Seaver. That’s the report from trademark lawyer Josh Gerben, who analyzes Brady’s failed bid here:

Next up on Great Moments in Hubris, I presume, will be my often ridiculous alma mater. But for now:

Sit down, son.