Little Leaguers have to return money to a strip club

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No, it’s not because they robbed the place. That would be a way better story. This one is merely OK.

In a tale as old as time, a bunch of strippers try to help a bunch of kids and a bunch of fuddy duddies get all mad.  From Los Angeles, where a club called “Jet Strip” was just trying to be neighborly, and gave a $1,200 donation to the Lennox Little League:

The financially troubled Lennox Little League is returning a $1,200 donation offered to it by a strip club, a day after a Daily Breeze story about the contribution spread to other media outlets across the country … “We kind of looked at the whole situation, and we all feel it’s the right thing to do,” league President Roberto Aguirre said Tuesday.

Once again, thinking of the children does nothing but hurt the children. Buncha prudes.

Ah, I’m probably overreacting. Based on the article, as people took to their fainting couches over a strip club giving money to a baseball league, several other businesses — most likely upstanding corporate citizens like payday lending stores, investment banks and mortgage companies — chipped money in to make up. So no harm, no foul.

But seriously, dudes: it’s just money. It’s not like they were giving out lap dances or anything. Which would also be a much better story than this one.

Victor Martinez played his final major league game on Saturday

Victor Martinez
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After 16 years in the majors, longtime Tigers DH Victor Martinez capped his career with one final start at Comerica Park. Although there are seven games remaining in the club’s regular season schedule, Martinez said he felt he owed it to the fans to record his final at-bat at home. He’ll still cheer the rest of the team on from the dugout when they hit the road for their last six-game stretch on Monday, though he’s not expected to slot into the lineup at any point during their back-to-back away series against the Twins and Brewers.

In order to commemorate the occasion, the Tigers arranged a pregame ceremony to celebrate the veteran infielder’s seven years with the team, during which they presented him with Topps baseball cards, a recliner, a pair of boots, and a saddle, among other honors. Martinez also put in a special request to play first base, a position he hadn’t manned in over two years.

The 39-year-old didn’t waste a single minute of his final start in the majors. He deftly handled an inning-ending out in the top of the first, then laced a rare infield single to short in his first and final at-bat of the afternoon, beating the throw to first and advancing Nicholas Castellanos to second base in order to set up the Tigers’ first run: a two-out RBI single from Niko Goodrum that brought Castellanos home to score.

“I think that at-bat was the perfect at-bat to describe my career,” Martinez told reporters after the Tigers wrapped a 5-4 win over the Royals. “I had to sweat it out. I had to sweat it out the whole way. I had to grind it. That was my whole career.”

Following the hit — and the standing ovation that greeted it — the switch-hitter was promptly replaced by pinch-runner Ronny Rodriguez, who subbed in at second base in the top of the second while Goodrum shifted from second to first base. Taking Saturday’s performance into account, Martinez polished off his big league career with a lifetime .295/.359/.455 batting line, 423 doubles, 246 home runs, 1,178 RBI, and 28.4 fWAR across 1,973 games and three separate stints for the Indians, Red Sox, and Tigers. His accomplishments at the plate have been decorated with five All-Star nominations, two Silver Slugger Awards, and the designated hitter-exclusive Edgar Martinez Award following a career-best campaign in 2014.