“Shutdown centerfielder”? Really?

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Look, I know everyone who isn’t me has their juices flowing this week because football — the handsome yet drunken and occasionally abusive boyfriend of professional sports — is back and that you’re all gonna try hard to make it work this time. And I’m happy for all of you, I really am.  But could you do me one small favor and not import football terms into baseball in honor of its return?  This is what got me, from the Twitter feed of Jon Heyman:

hearing [the Giants] are showing strong interest in bj upton. hes “shutdown cf” who fits their big park.

I totally understand what he’s getting at here. And I suppose that clarity of intent the only real rule when it comes to coining new terms.  But please, let me have this Jon. Let me have a space in baseball where football does not intrude. More broadly, let us remember that, when it comes to the eight position players on the field, describing a guy in a single-dimension does not work as well as doing so for a football player, where specialization is the order of the day rather than the exception.

Anyway, my sanity needs this very badly. Thank you for your consideration in this regard.