Awful humanity ruins Bernie Brewer promotion

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Sometimes I hate people. People and their grubby-ape fascination with baubles, tchotchkes, gewgaws, trinkets and kitsch, replacing the old ape instincts of hording fruit stores or whatever the hell else we did when we weren’t beating each other senseless with animal bones in front of monoliths:

The Milwaukee Brewers were hoping for an enthusiastic response to their “Where’s Bernie?” promotional program. They weren’t expecting fan stakeouts, Internet auctions and isolated reports of lawn-ornament hoarding. Brewers spokesman Tyler Barnes said fan response to Tuesday morning’s scavenger hunt-style promotion was “staggering,” though team officials were disappointed that some fans didn’t play by the rules.

It didn’t take long before social networking websites were buzzing with complaints about some fans staking out workers who were stashing the statues well before sunrise, then snapping up armfuls of ornaments as soon as they were hidden.

Take one. And be happy for what it is, not for what you can get for it or for the fact that you and your stinkin’ paws can get so damn many.

This is why we can’t have nice things, people.

Alex Bregman shaved his mustache off in the middle of Sunday’s game

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Astros third baseman Alex Bregman apparently wasn’t happy with his mustache on Sunday afternoon as he shaved it off in between innings during his team’s contest against the Royals. Bregman walked and later scored in the Astros’ eight-run second inning, but when he took his next plate appearance in the fourth inning, he was clean-shaven.

Sometimes you just need to switch things up. 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♀️

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Bregman made a throwing error in the seventh and finished 0-for-4 with the walk on the afternoon. The Astros won 11-3.

Bregman isn’t the only player to make headlines for his facial hair recently. Nationals outfielder Bryce Harper recently shaved his signature beard. The Yankees approve of what both players have done.