Orlando Cabrera becomes a U.S. citizen

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If you were wondering why Orlando Cabrera wasn’t the one taking that sweet throw from Asdrubal Cabrera in the highlight from last night, it’s because he left the Indians yesterday to go to South Carolina where he is being naturalized as a U.S. citizen. Which is cool, though I’m not sure why it has to happen in South Carolina. Red tape.

As the article notes, you have to take a test on American history and civics to become a citizen.  When I was in New York a few weeks ago, I was killing time at an airport newsstand where one employee was quizzing the other on the citizenship test. The woman answering the questions got every one right and was clearly set to ace it.  I bet there are a huge number of Americans who would fail it miserably.

Kind of makes me wish that they gave it to the folks born here. If you fail you get exiled to a ship floating in international waters for an intensive study session and they you take it again.  Fail it three times, you gotta work on the ship. The best part: the people sent to the ship will, by definition, be too dumb to realize that the whole setup is unconstitutional. Foolproof, I tells ya!

Roberto Osuna suspended 75 games for violating domestic violence policy

Blue Jays Osuna Baseball
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Blue Jays closer Roberto Osuna has been suspended for 75 games without pay after violating the league’s Joint Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault and Child Abuse Policy, Major League Baseball announced Friday. The suspension is retroactive to May 8 and will lift on August 4. Osuna has decided not to appeal the decision.

Osuna was charged with one count of assault against his girlfriend following his arrest on May 8. Per FanRag Sports’ Jon Heyman, the reliever is set to undergo trial on July 9. No details regarding his specific actions in the case have been publicly released, but Heyman adds that MLB was reportedly able to interview the victim prior to issuing the suspension. League Commissioner Rob Manfred issued the following statement:

My office has completed its investigation into the allegation that Roberto Osuna violated Major League Baseball’s Joint Domestic Violence, Sexual Assault and Child Abuse Policy on May 8, 2018. Having reviewed all of the available evidence, I have concluded that Mr. Osuna violated the Policy and should be subject to discipline in the form of an unpaid suspension that will expire on August 4th.

Osuna, 23, pitched just 15 1/3 innings during the 2018 season prior to his arrest. He has been on administrative leave since May 8.