Most predictable thing ever: Charlie Sheen bails Lenny Dykstra out of jail

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Of course this happened:

Charlie Sheen paid $22,500 to bail former New York Mets and Philadelphia Phillies outfielder Lenny “Nails” Dykstra out of jail, TMZ reported Tuesday.

Nails had been jailed for bankruptcy fraud. When he bailed him out, Sheen said some bullsh** about him being a Vatican assassin and him being a warlock or something. No, I’m not making that up.

If there is any justice in the world, this is the opening act of dramatic road trip with those two which ends with both of them driving off a cliff, “Thelma and Louise”-style.  Which would be an absolute insult to Thelma and Louise, each of whom are fictional characters with far more real world worth than either of these two doorknobs have.

Kyle Schwarber walks off to beat Rhys Hoskins 21-20 in second round of Home Run Derby

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In another thrilling round of the 2018 Home Run Derby, Kyle Schwarber walked off to defeat Rhys Hoskins and advance to the finals in the 2018 Home Run Derby. Hoskins hit 20 — surpassing his first-round total of 17 — but Schwarber was able to do him one better in regulation time.

For most of the round, Schwarber was “only” on pace to hit 17 or 18, but he got on a roll after using his time-out. He mashed about five home runs in the span of 30 seconds. With just a couple of seconds left on the clock, Schwarber hit his 21st home run to send Rhys to the showers. Of course, Schwarber had unlocked 30 seconds of bonus time since he hit two home runs that went at least 440 feet, so it was a formality. But to do it in regulation in buzzer-beater fashion was more fun than opening bonus time with the send-off.

Still an impressive showing by Hoskins. He became the first player to hit 20 home runs in the semifinals of the Derby, per ESPN Stats & Info. His 37 total homers are the second-most by a Phillies player in the Derby. Bobby Abreu hit 41 home runs en route to winning in 2005.

In the finals, Schwarber will face the winner of the Max MuncyBryce Harper showdown.