Scenes from Spring Training: Alas, the games are a letdown

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The nice weather of spring training is intoxicating. Sunrise at an empty ballpark is electrifying. Watching the ballplayers getting ready and running through drills is beyond cool. And then, just as you’re totally stoked, when the grills are sizzling and fans are settling in for the first pitch … you get a rather crappy game.

Hey, that’s the nature of the beast, especially on Day freakin’ One of the spring training schedule. If you come expecting crisp baseball you’re nuts. You just need to remember that bad baseball is better than good almost anything else and go with it.

So I went with it today, ignoring the fact that Tim Lincecum couldn’t get anyone out and that the defense was so bad that they didn’t have the error column lit up on the scoreboard. As I type this, it’s the top of the 8th inning and the Giants lead the Dbacks 7-4 in what has been a less than wonderful ballgame. But to dwell on that stuff would be to miss the point.

And the point is that baseball is almost back. That even if your weather sucks right now, you’ll be able to lounge in the warm spring air like these people sooner than you think.  That even if a nice hot stew sounds best tonight, you’ll be jonesin’ for this kind of thing in no time.  That you’ll soon be able to walk around looking like an utter fool in love with baseball. Wait, don’t do that. That’s just wrong.

It’s getting closer, my friends.

Ichiro wore a fake mustache to sneak into the Mariners’ dugout

Associated Press
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Ichiro Suzuki is now a Mariners employee and, as such, he’s not allowed to sit in the dugout during a game. That’s for coaches and players only.

He knows that, too. Indeed, on the day Ichiro announced his sorta-retirement, he talked about how it was going to be hard not to be down on the field with the other players. He even made a ridiculous joke about how, “[he] can’t say for certain that maybe [he] won’t put on a beard and glasses and be like Bobby Valentine and be in the dugout.”

In related news, this mysterious stranger was seen by an Associated Press photographer in the Mariners dugout during the first couple of innings of the M’s-Yankees game:

(AP Photo/Bill Kostroun)

No beard, but I guess that joke was not very ridiculous after all. Either way, by the end of the second inning — poof — he was gone.

Obviously, when something interesting like this happens you mustache an expert for their opinion on the matter. To that end, the Associated Press reached Bobby Valentine, who famously did the same thing after an ejection way back in 1999, for comment:

“He was perfect. I never would have known it was him.”

Valentine was suspended for two games and fined $5,000. I’m assuming Ichiro won’t get hit quite as hard given that he wasn’t defying an umpire’s authority, but even if he does have to pay a fine, he’ll likely do so willingly.