Your morning fat report

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Spring training games start this weekend. I am virtually certain that by then we will no longer be hearing about who’s fat and who isn’t. But for now I do feel duty-bound to keep you apprised:

In other news, I plan on taking my gym shoes and workout clothes with me when I leave on my trip to Arizona tomorrow. I will then place them in the closet of my hotel room, where they will sit for all nine days of my stay, unmolested by use.  When I come home I will sink into a leather chair, exhale deeply, tell my wife that “I really need to start working out again,” and then I’ll take a sip of bourbon.

What, you want me to lie to you?