Baseball player reports to camp in the fourth best shape of his life

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I suppose a satire like this was inevitable.  I’m just sad that I didn’t think of it first:

Seattle Mariners veteran catcher Miguel Olivo reported to training camp this week feeling as though he is already physically ready for the 2011 season.

“I’m in the fourth best shape of my life,” said a sort of noticeably trim Olivo. “Last year I was only in the 11th best shape of my life, so I really put time in the gym this offseason. I wanted to get into the top 5 shapes of my life.”

Olivo entered his offseason workout regimen hoping to get into the best shape of his life, but soon realized that wasn’t realistic.

Now I await the ones about guys who didn’t have “great bullpen sessions” and guys who “looked real bad in the cage today.”

Report: Nathan Eovaldi drawing interest from at least nine teams

Nathan Eovaldi
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Former Red Sox right-hander Nathan Eovaldi is up for grabs this offseason, and Nick Cafardo of the Boston Globe says that as many as nine suitors are interested in bringing the righty aboard. While the Red Sox are eager to retain Eovaldi’s services after his lights-out performance during their recent postseason run, they’ll have to contend with the Brewers, Phillies, Braves, White Sox, Padres, Blue Jays, Giants, and Angels — all of whom are reportedly positioned to offer something for the starter this winter.

It wasn’t all smooth sailing for the 28-year-old in 2018, however. After losing his 2017 season to Tommy John surgery, he underwent an additional procedure to remove loose bodies from his right elbow in March and didn’t make his first appearance until the end of May. He was flipped for lefty reliever Jalen Beeks just prior to the trade deadline and finished his season with a combined 6-7 record in 21 starts, a 3.81 ERA, 1.6 BB/9, and 8.2 SO/9 through 111 innings.

Despite his numerous health issues over the last few years, Eovaldi raised his stock in October after becoming a major contributor during the Red Sox’ championship run. He contributed two quality starts in the ALDS and ALCS and returned in Games 1-3 of the World Series with three lights-out performances in relief — including a six-inning effort in the 18-inning marathon that was Game 3.

A frontrunner has yet to emerge for the righty this offseason, but Cafardo points out that the nine teams listed so far might just be the tip of the iceberg. Still, he won’t be the most sought-after starter on the market, as former Diamondbacks southpaw Patrick Corbin is expected to command an even bigger payday following his career-best 6.0-fWAR performance in 2018.