Greenies weren’t bad, OK? I mean, it’s not like kids were doing them. Probably.

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Hey, amphetamines were just pep pills! They just helped ballplayers get ready for the game! It’s not like steroids! It’s not like kids were taking them!

Oh, wait.

Wezen-ball strikes again, creating a video montage of a bunch of very special episodes of 1980s sitcoms in which young people got strung out on … greenies!

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Look, I’m prepared to admit that the 1980s sitcom world didn’t exactly have its finger on the pulse of what was troubling young kids, but apparently someone thought this was a major problem for our nation’s youth. And for all of the hathos and cheese, the core message of these things — that speed kills — was dead-on.

But sure, if Hall of Fame voters want to continue to pretend that steroids represents an unprecedented kind of evil while taking greenies was totally excusable, they may continue to do so.

I just hope that they know that they have Alex P. Keaton’s blood on their hands! Or something.

Justin Masterson is retired and doing missionary work

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Fancred’s Jon Heyman reports that pitcher Justin Masterson is retired from baseball and currently doing missionary work, according to his agent Randy Rowley.

Masterson, 33, hadn’t pitched in the majors since 2015, though he had been trying to find work going into the past season but never latched on with a team. He spent 2016 in the Pirates’ minor league system and 2017 at the Dodgers’ Triple-A affiliate.

Masterson spent parts of eight seasons in the majors with the Red Sox, Indians, and Cardinals. Across 258 appearances, 184 of which were starts, the right-hander compiled a 4.31 ERA with 1,004 strikeouts and 498 walks in 1,201 innings of work.